I stumbled upon a video on Instagram not too long ago by a young woman and she said something that hit home for me, something that tugged at the strings of my heart and made me want to write this article here.
She said "when do I get the chance to just be genuinely happy and not hurting all the time? When do I get the change to have things go right for me? I’m doing everything right! What is the point? What is the point of even trying anymore? It doesn’t F*ing work! What’s the point? When do I get to be happy?"
It hit home to be because I remember being there. I remember that, even though I was happy for people in my life walking into their seasons of blessings before me, I kept feeling that sting and asking God what about me? I remember what felt like to me doing the right things, and saying the right things in hopes that God will “reward me” but He didn’t. I still was in the waiting room. And soon, I looked around and I was the only one in the waiting room. At least that’s what it felt like to me. And then recently, I saw another video that put things into perspective for me. Still on Instagram and way before I saw the video that prompted this article, I saw a young woman that spoke about how she did the right things thinking it would yield the results she wanted. And she expanded more about her frustration and going to God about it and how God opened her eyes on what she was doing. God called her out on how she was trying to manipulate Him and how, if things had gone the way she wanted based on her own efforts, she would have made a “recipe for success” instead of crediting her breakthrough/ blessings on God.
So many times I listened to people’s recipes for success and tried to apply them to my life, only to be unsuccessful and disappointed. I also manipulated God not because I genuinely wanted to, but because I grew up on a version of love that was transactional. If I gave people what they wanted/ expected from me, then I got love in return or I got what it was that I wanted. I learned to perform to "earn" love or to earn the things that I wanted in life. So it only felt natural to operate with God the way I had always operated growing up. But God had to undo that. There was a work that God had to do in me to make me understand that me walking into the blessings he had for me was not contingent on things that I was or was not doing. He had to make me realize just like that young woman that there is no recipe for success outside of him: He was the recipe for success. He was the sauce, drip, the whole meal and everything in between.
What I have also learned is that there is a moment where you have to trust and lean fully into God and into doing the work with no strings attached. You have to stop tripping on how long it is taking for the tide to turn around. And it is one of the hardest things to do because when you are in the midst of the healing storm where everything is turned upside down, you are holding on by a thread. You are holding your breath and hoping that every sunrise will bring the breakthrough only to discover with every sunset that it is yet another breakdown, upset and heartbreak. That is one of the most difficult spaces to be in. When I stopped keeping track of how long it had been since things had gone well for me, when started doing the work and started to show up not just for the end goal but for the process itself, things shifted. Not everything that I wanted came to pass. In fact, I'm still in the waiting room for some of the things that I am earnestly praying ang hoping for. But I have earned a patient confidence which is something that I definitely didn’t have before. I am now in place where I understand that me doing the right things doesn’t not guarantee that the "thing" (whatever that thing is) will happen, nor does it guarantee that it will happen when I want it to happen. And I am practicing being okay being in that space. There are still times where I want to give up, because like that lady said “what is the point?” but then I remember that what I am going through might not be just for me or about me: it might be the blueprint for someone’s life that I will cross path with, who will need my story to overcome the hardship in their lives. Maybe one day, my story and the story of how I endured and overcame will be the lifesaving best that will keep them afloat in the middle of the sea storm of their life. Everyday that I want to give up and throw the towel in, I remind myself that if I stop showing up, I might be the reason why someone’s destiny is never fulfilled and never lives up to the full potential God has set it to be at. It sounds silly but when you think about how many people where inspired to be on the path of greatness they are on today simply because someone’s way of living inspired them!? you realize that it really might be a possibility that someone’s breakthrough and destiny are dependent on whether or not you show up, whether or not you do the work until you get the breakthrough.
If you feel like giving up, I want to encourage you today. In the words of Nancy Vericker "don’t give up 5 minutes before the miracle". It can happen any minute now but if you quit, you will not see it! All you need is to outlast your troubles by one day. Keep showing up and do the work. You've come too far to give up now. Stop tripping on how long it’s taking: just show up. Trust the process and in due time, the tide will turn. I hope when you want to give up, when you ask yourself “what’s the point anyway?” after doing the right things day after day and feeling like it's not worth it, you remember that whether you might be aware or not, someone is watching you. I hope you realize and remember that perhaps the reason why it is taking so long for you to get to the top, is because it's not just about you. You are carrying more than yourself. You are carrying more than just your hopes, dreams, aspirations and breakthrough: you are carrying the generations after you and those whose destinies are connected to you. You got skin in the game and you can't back out now. Not for you. Not for them because whether you believe it or not, YOU might be the reason why someone is still in the fight for their life. YOU might be the reason why someone is doing the right thing. YOU might be the reason why they get a breakthrough they never thought they could ever get in life. YOU might be someone’s reason why. So keep going. I'm rooting for you. You got this.
Until next time,
