Forgive Anyway

 

"Vengeance is Mine, and retribution, In due time their foot will slip; for the day of their disaster is at hand, And their doom hurries to meet them." Deut.32:35

 

It is hard. I know. It is not the words you want to hear when you are hurting, barely able to breathe because of the weight of the offense. When you are having an out of body experience, when you are constantly and consistently trying to make sense of the hurt. When you are replaying it over and over in your head to the point where you lose sleep over it. It is painful... I know… But forgive anyway.

The problem with forgiveness is not the concept in and of itself but rather, the interpretation that we make of it. 

Forgiveness does not equate forgetting: the memory of the hurt will remain. But what you choose to do through forgiveness is to not re-actualize the condemnation associated with the wrong that you suffered. 

Forgiveness is not being weak: forgiveness- if not one of them- is the HARDEST thing you will ever have to do in life. It is surrendering your right to get even. If you have ever been in a situation where you feel like you were right and were done wrong, and you had to fight the urge to prove your point, then you know what I am talking about. Forgiveness is the hardest thing to practice, and it is an everyday thing. You never really get “there” because the minute you forgive an offense, another level unlocks.

Forgiveness is not a once and done deal: it is a constant surrender of your feelings, emotions every time the memory of the offense triggers you. It is running back to God and not being ashamed to say: “hey that thing that hurt me? It is still triggering all kind of emotions within me. Can you help me?” Recovering from a hurt doesn’t happen overnight.

Forgiveness is a decision to not base your interaction and behavior with someone on the hurt they caused you. It’s hard… I know… I cringed writing that because I know how hard it is and because I tend to define my interactions to people based off what they give me. But the real kicker is that me “matching their energy” says a lot more about my character than it does about them. I used to believe in matching energy, then I realized that I spoke more about a person’s character vs get even. I also realized that I didn’t want to get even. It was too much work to get out of my way to get back at people and for some of the things that I have been through, I could even think of anything that would hurt some people as much as their actions hurt me. I was exhausted. I just wanted to move on. I wanted to do the inner work and get to a peaceful place. Being intentional about forgiving gave me that because you see, unforgiveness will keep you stuck in the past. It will rob you of your joy, your peace, and your ability to move forward in life. What also helped me in my forgiveness journey is remembering that a) God sits high but he watches low and b) He will make all the wrong right in the end. It might take time, but I have seen instances when I let go and forgave and God avenged me better than I could have ever done it myself. To forgive is not to be stupid: it is to trust that God is a better rewarder than we can ever be and to believe that nobody, not even us, can avenge someone better than Him.

Forgiveness is divine, it is the ultimate act of love. For yourself and for others because remember that as a Christian you are to “love your neighbor as yourself”. Forgiveness is not much about someone else than it is about you: to love yourself enough to forgive someone else and set yourself free. It is a demonstration of the divine power in you because the truth is that to understand all that was written in this post about forgiveness and practice it, requires more than will power. It requires a supernatural power above your own to go against every “natural” instinct to inflict pain and damage when you have been on the receiving end of it.

People -whether they mean it or not- will hurt you. It is an undeniable fact and something we don't have that much control over. However, we do have control over our response (notice I said response and not reaction) to it. You get to decide if you want to stay stuck in it or move on with your life. It might seem like a huge and almost impossible ask to forgive but it is up to you to decide if not forgiving is worth losing yourself and your life to the pain you have endured. The choice is yours.

Until next time,