Let God Have It

This is it: the last day of the year 2019 and of the decade. What a year/ decade it has been. As this year and decade are coming to a close, I thought about the kind of content I could bring to you in the last article of the year. And I fell strongly to share one of my last meditations that correlate with one of the most important lessons I learned this year. My meditation is found in Psalm 46: 10 which says :

"Be still and know that I am God".

I have lately gotten into the habit of looking up particular verses or stories in different Bible versions. This time, instead of going to my usual ones, I went to the Complete Jewish Bible and interestingly enough Psalm 46:10 in that version read :

"Desist and learn that I am God"

I went ahead and looked up synonyms of desist and the one synonym that caught my attention was relinquish which means to give up, let go. So a good/close enough paraphrase to that verse would be "let go and learn that I am God". This year and this whole decade I have wrestled with my need to control everything as God brought me into places that challenged me to let go. And in these times and through this verse, I have understood (quite painfully) that as long as we desire to control and manipulate things we cannot know truly who God is and what He is capable of as every situation we go through reveals a different attribute of God.

I want to believe that this ability to know God under a new light each and every time we walk through different situations and seasons in life is the reason why God did not add anything else after saying "I am Who I am" (Exo 3:14). To add an adjective or a noun after this statement would be to put God in a box and limit Him when according to Paul we know that He is the one "who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we can ask or think, according to the power that works in us" (Eph 3:20-21). In order for God to be God, He has to be released from our need to be in control of everything and that need to be in control includes our predictability/ expectation for Him to move a certain way. God asks us to relinquish control so we can learn through our walk with Him and the things we go through who He is to us.

 I also want to believe that it is for that same purpose -- for us to know Him for who He is to us -- that in Matthew 16:13, Jesus asks the disciples: "What are people saying about who the son of man is?" only to ask a little further "But you, who do you say that I am ?"

It was important at this point because at this point Jesus had already put his disciples in situations where they had no other choice but to relinquish control to God (Jesus). Letting go and acknowledging they were at their wits end was an invitation for God to step in and be just that: God. It was an opportunity for them to know the I am Who I am under different nuances. One minute He stepped in as a provider by feeding five thousand people with five loaves of bread and two fishes; the next minute He is commanding wind and storm to quiet down affirming his authority as the creator of all things. In between those two, He reveals himself as the one who can bring dead situations and people back to life and a healer that came thru for a woman who had an issue of blood for twelve years.

In my valley season, I have learned to shift my perspective slowly from "why me?" to asking myself "what is the attribute of God or the lesson I am supposed to see here?" This is important because having this posture is when and where you learn about yourself but also about God day after day, every step of the way.  To relinquish for me this year / decade looked a lot like leaning more on God and less on myself to make things happen; it looked like "learning God" for myself, being on my own journey, rather than through the lenses of my disappointments, church hurt and let downs. And what I discovered is that God is faithful, loving, caring, reliable and forgiving rather than being God who will beat me around with a stick if I mess up or fall short of His expectations of me.

Beloved, walking in the valley is hard but there is something about God that you need to learn and it might require for your to relinquish control to Him. And it might go a little further than that: perhaps it might be letting go of the hurt you went through or the grudge you are holding onto so fiercely and tightly; or perhaps it is letting go of that "thing" that God has been tugging at your heart for a while now to let go of. To relinquish is to give God clearance to be who and what we need Him to be at the moment He meets you in our story.

Friend, as you let go and allow God to be who and what you need Him to be in this new year and decade, I pray that He rushes into the space you have made for Him with goodness, love, healing, deliverance, peace and comfort. I pray you see Him, find out and learn with an open heart who He is to you and for you.

As I write those last words and last article of 2019, allow me to formulate my wishes for you under the form of this passage from Numbers 6:24

"[May] The Lord bless you and keep you

Make His face shine on you and be gracious to you

[May] The Lord turn His face towards you and give you peace"

And to add to that in my very own words:

 May the Lord give you peace, love, comfort, faith

May He grant you the confidence and strength to be who He has called you to be and carry your mission with grace and poise.

May you be a light and may you shine bright

And as you shine, may the people around you see in you the God who has called you to do all those things

May you be bold in the pursuit of the things that set your soul on fire and may the anointing on your life changes circumstances around you and break off generational curses.

May you wear your crown with holy confidence and pride.

May you always remember who you are and whose you are.

May you remember that nothing is too big or impossible for your God.

May you remember that you "can do anything through God who strengthens you"

And in the days where you will feel like its too hard, in the days where you will feel like giving up, may you remember that you were made for such a time as this, for the times you are walking through in life.

You got this, and God got you friend.

Happy New Year and until next time,

Surviving The Holiday Season

I don't hate the holidays but I don't particularly care for them either. It can come off a little bit Grinch-y but it is the sad and cold truth. It hasn't always been like that though. There was a point in time where I used to love the holiday season but life threw a few major curve balls my way that knocked me off balance from there on. Then I moved to the U.S and things were never quite the same. As I write these words and share my feelings about Christmas season, I remember that Friday morning not too long ago where me and other members from my church were having a conversation about how what is supposed to be the most hope-filled season of the year is actually the quite the opposite and for many different seasons.

I remember sharing my story and my testimony of how it is only this year that God started that healing some things that had been weighting on me for years and preventing me from being able to relate to the joy, excitement and anticipation surrounding the holidays. For some people the holidays are filled with joy, hope, parties, love and it truly is the most wonderful time of the years. But for some others, like it is the case for me, it just turns out that it isn't: it is a season where some of  us are rigged with anxiety, sadness and/or paralyzed by depression for endless reasons. If you are there too, let me tell you this friend: you are not alone. And I wish I had a remedy or a panache that would magically lift off the weight on your chest, or dissipate those clouds and make the sun shine again. But I don't: I, myself, am still wrestling with those very feelings. And although I don't have a cure that would magically make the dis-ease caused by this season of the year go away, I do however have five tips that I hope you can hold on to during this time like you would to a life jacket until it's all over. 

1- Be gentle with yourself

I came to realize that around the holidays is the time where I am most vulnerable and my mental/emotional health is the most delicate. I have also found that it is the time where I need to treat myself with the uttermost care. Be kind to yourself. Be gentle. Give yourself permission to feel what you are feeling without any judgment. Sleep. Make some tea. Pamper yourself. Do the things that make you feel good but most importantly take it one day at the time. 

2- Surround yourself with good energy.

As an empath, I am naturally very vulnerable to people's energy and twice as much when I am in a low period. Whether you are anything like me and easily pick up people's energy like a sponge or not, it is a fact that energy is contagious: people that complain all the time will wear you out just like people that are happy and upbeat will lift you up. This season, make sure you surround yourself with good energy. And I know the last thing you want to do is to be around people but go against that feeling once in a blue moon this holiday season and surround yourself with people whose energy is worth catching. Give them as well as yourself permission to uplift you and uplevel your energetic vibrations. 

3- Practice daily gratitude

Although it can be hard, especially in times when we're brooding, practicing daily gratitude helps put things in perspective. I personally started practicing daily gratitude after seeing a post one day that said :" If all you had today was what you were grateful for yesterday , how much would you have?" Being grateful shifts the perspective and allows to find little rays of sun in the cloudy days. "A grateful heart is a magnet for for miracles": gratitude won't make your problems go away but it will help you realize [hopefully] that things are not as bad as they seem to be.

4- Do something that matters

Volunteer to serve meals to homeless people or to cheer up people in the hospital or something else but make sure you do something. Not only will it get you out of your head but it will boost your self confidence. Find a cause you are passionate about and throw yourself in it. Not all at once of  course because it can be overwhelming but rather, bit by bit until instead of being consumed by depression you are consumed by the joy of being of assistance and able to put a little sunshine in someone else life. You are giving back to your community and reaching out to other but indirectly, you are also saving yourself so I don't know about you but I think it is worth trying.

5- Know that you are loved and you are not alone.

Depression during the holiday season nine times out of ten is exacerbated by the feelings of loneliness and rejection. You may feel like you are alone but friend you are not. There is a faithful friend who is with you and will always be until the end of times (Matt 28:20). You may feel worthless, rejected and unloved but John 3:16 is the proof of God's love that stands the test of time forever: a life that was laid for you friend so that you could be here. God thought you were so worth being loved that He gave His only son so that by his sacrifice your life could be secured. Depression, anxiety, sadness and hopelessness are real but so is the everlasting and unfailing love of God (Jere 31:3). You are loved, you are seen ad you are worth all the amazing things God has in store for you.

Friend wherever you are as you read those words, I hope they find you well and if you are wrestling with all the not so good feelings that at times are tied to this holiday season, I pray they give you hope and a renewed strength to get through this time and more. I pray you know and remember that you are not alone: We are all in this together. 

Sending you love and good thoughts and wishing you the merriest Christmas you've ever had, praying that you feel more alive than you've ever been.

Until next time,

Managing Expectations or How To Weather Disappointment

I have very high expectations. I could either blame it on being an INFP or I could blame it on growing up in a household where nothing but excellence in everything was expected and demanded from all of us without exception. So of course, I grew up having high expectations of myself and at times of people. Needless to say that living from this place in life did not turn out well for me. The depth of my disappointment's pit had only match the high expectations I carried around and demanded from the world. Times and times I have heard people say that the best way to avoid being disappointed is to have no expectations, but can you really walk this earth without having any kind of expectations whatsoever? No expectations to be loved?  To be respected? To be acknowledged and appreciated? Even when you mess up, hurt someone or act like a twinkly little prick, you expect some kind of reaction to some extend so allow me to ask again: can you really live life and walk this earth without any kind of expectation hoping that it will save you from the heartache of disappointment?

See, I do believe that disappointment is an inescapable part of live and by the same token, I do believe that  expectations and disappointment are different sides of a same coin. Just as disappointments are part of life, so are having expectations: they are both part of the human experience and are to the Avengers what Thanos was: inevitable. Unless you are dead inside and genuinely don't care. In that case, cheers to you mate. For the rest of us, very much alive and vulnerable to the messiness of life, the key to weathering to some extend the disappointment tied to our expectations is to manage the latter when it comes to our experience of people and the world we live in. So here are five things that can be helpful in managing our expectations in order to avoid unnecessary disappointments.

1- Don’t expect yourself from others

I have heard it before from my mother and other people around me. There was a time where I seriously believed that the things I expected from people were a no brainer. But then little by little, I had to come to terms with the fact and reality that not everybody was raised the way I was. Not everybody came from the background I came from so of course some expectations did not make sense to them. Some of the things I upheld did not have the same weight to other people. Not expecting myself from people, not expecting they would display the same capacities and abilities that I displayed significantly softened the blows from disappointment. 

2- Be realistic

I sometimes check-in with friends and family to assess on a scale from zero to extra how realistic some of my expectations are. I do that because it is so easy for me to revert to my default mode and to get stuck and insist on some very unrealistic expectations to be met. These check-in allow me to be leveled and sometimes to scale down my expectations. Just because I can personally meet them doesn't mean someone else can. Just because I can handle a full plate doesn't mean someone else can do the same. We all have our limits and thresholds and I had to realize that some of my expectations from people although realistic for me were absolutely not for them. 

3- Know your audience

Even when your expectations are at a healthy level, you have to know who to place expectations on. Sometimes the problem is not our expectations but rather, who we place our expectations on. You cannot expect a man who is inconsistent to somewhat become consistent overnight nor can you be disappointed by a lack thereof, at least not after he has showed you consistently how inconsistent he is. In the same fashion, you cannot be upset at or disappointed in a friend for not being there when you need them when they have a history of being unreliable. Maya Angelou once said : "when people show you who they are, believe them" and I believe it is more than relevant when it comes to our expectations of people and circumstances. See them for who/what they are: don't extrapolate them but don't discount them either. Instead use what you see and experience as a barometer to adjust your expectations and be wise about where and who to invest them into.

4- Don’t assume: Ask

Assumptions make an A-hole out of you and me. In all the years that I ever lived from a place of assumptions, it never turned out well for me. You've got to ask what is expected from you and you have to say what you expect. 

5- Communicate

A continuation of point 4: communicate at all time. People change and with them, expectations. Adjusting expectations is hard if there is no line of communication. And sometimes, communicating expectations comes with some hard conversations but we have to excavate the things that are left unsaid. We have to run towards the hard conversations instead of running away from them no matter how afraid we are to break a heart, to lose a friendship, a relationship or an opportunity. It is better to say "I can't" or "I can't anymore" than to build someone's hope up and let them down by acting in a way that is anything less than the expectations you agreed to meet. 

Disappointment is an integral part of the human experience and so is having expectations. Those intricately and intimately linked experiences constitute an obligated passage of life. However bad and heartbreaking disappointments are, they do not have to be as long as we learn to manage our expectations of people and self.

Until next time,

Friday Talk: Embrace The Change

I have always been an adventurous person at heart. Everybody in my circle knows me for that: always trying new food, new trends, new style (hairstyle), traveling to places on a whim... I'm pretty sure if I had another middle name is would be adventure. Although, I am the kind of person not to shy away from doing those big jumps, I can be ridiculously reticent when it comes to having small changes implemented to my everyday life. When I say small changes I am talking about even switching the place I get coffee from or the order I get when I walk into my usual coffee shop (Starbucks) * No I'm not a snob, I just like good coffee :)*
And it is funny because I even though I hate doing things routinely, I have come to the realization that I have created my very own and personal routine which has turned out to be pretty difficult to alter in any shape of form. But it is not only those small changes that I find difficult to embrace. I also tend to find it very difficult to embrace changes that affect my future such as being in a relationship, getting married, having kids, enrolling into a program I want to get a degree in and probably, the scariest of all, switching jobs (which I recently did). I know right?! very brave. I deserve a red velvet cupcake for that. No? okay...

And I know, you are saying behind your screen "well these are big changes so it is normal that it freaks you up" and I know that. And I totally understand it. But I think beyond the change itself, it is the uncertainty that comes with it that scares me. It is the idea that the choice I am about to make will forever change my life that just scares the living life out of me and gives me all types of panic attacks a human being can possibly have. And I think with the cycle I have been through during my 24th year, life has been trying to teach me something about that, about the fact that as I am growing up there is a need and urgency for me to learn to embrace change.
From all the situations I have been confronted to from the moment I turned 24 to this day, the only thing that has remained constant in my life was change. Not that there hasn't been any change from the moment I was born to the day I turned 24. There were changes but there were in a sense not as noticeable as the ones I have experienced this year considering that all of those situations I was confronted to were happening one after the other. I had to learn and grown comfortable with being uncomfortable. I had to learn to navigate the shallow waters of adulthood and find my way through life in times where the sky was clear AND in days where I had limited visibility and the horizon couldn't be seen from where I was standing in life.

One thing that kept me going on those day was Jeremiah 29:11 and my faith because truly I had nothing else besides that. Of course the people who know me would say "well you are brilliant, young, smart, you have a great heart, you are a fighter" and bla...bla...bla... But some people out there are more talented, smarter, better at what I am doing than me but still haven't made it so far. They  haven't been as successful at navigating the shallow waters of adulthood and the lot of hassle it brings the way I did. So what makes me better than them? And my answer to that was my faith, my resiliency and my capacity to adapt to change; and if I can retain one thing from my 24th year, it would be that when you are brave enough to say goodbye, life rewards you with new and beautiful hellos. I have also learnt that change is not always the negative thing we have been taught intentionally or by default to dread. 

A change is an opportunity to be a better version of yourself, to go beyond limits and obstacles you never thought you would. A change is a transformation that will bring into your life something/ someone better than what you thought you could ever have. A change is a time to break the shell you have been living in and discover a new world you have been closed to exploring because you were too afraid to do so. A change is a trial that life throws at you to see if you are brave enough to unleash your inner Spartan in order to fight and defeat the odds. Don't get me wrong:  there will be times where things will not workout but as long as you keep in mind that everything in life serves a purpose and you learn the lesson behind it, you will always get back on your feet, no matter how long it takes or how hard the transition is.

So smile and embrace change and the endless possibilities you get to be a better version of you that comes along with it :)



Until next time,
xo