I was found
Before I was lost
I was Yours
Before I was not
Grace to spare
For all my mistakes
And that part just wrecks me
And I know I don't deserve this kind of love
Somehow this kind of love is who You are
It's a grace I could never add up
To be somebody You still want
But somehow
You love me as You find me
~ Hillsong United
Back at it again and picking up from where we left at in our series. And today we are going to talk about the giant of rejection. I tried to write that piece so many times and it just didn’t feel right. Until today. I have always been real and have been very open about using my own experience as a platform to encourage, educate and/or share a good laugh and this piece about rejection is no exception.
A while ago, I met a guy (there is always a guy *le sigh*) and from my side of things things were good. Although I had been honest about not being in the right place to date ANYBODY, I still relent to go out with him a few times. And then, at some point (on a day we were actually supposed to go out) he hit me with the infamous, unofficial break up text: "I don’t see this going anywhere and I don’t want to waste your time. I still hope we can be friends." Despite the fact that I truly and honestly wasn’t in any kind of way available to date, I still liked him and was interested in getting to know him. And the sting of rejection felt like salt added to a fresh wound. And the fact that he didn’t give any reason probably made it worse. Although I rationalized being okay with this, I did dwell on it for a while because I couldn’t rationalize that he didn’t want me (I know right?! Tragic!)
I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that, whatever this was, he didn’t want to be a part of it. And this is the thing with rejection: whether there is a reason or not, it never makes sense. It’s one of those things that you can never rationalize and when we can’t, we start making up stories about it that feeds into the beliefs, thoughts and behaviors we developed from past experiences. And I did. I remember distinctly thinking at some point “maybe there is really something wrong with me” but then I realized that it was a lie of the devil. So I had to send it back to hell where it came from. I had to change the story and introduce new data. I had to get it in my head that perhaps he just wasn’t that interested or he changed his mind along the way or perhaps the fact he was being realistic about the fact that I would not change my mind about dating and the sting of rejection was equally real for him so he cut his losses. But I had to stop thinking that I did something wrong or that there was something wrong with me.
Rejection is a thing and it is a giant that can be taunting and that can forever stunt our ability to grow into who God has called us to be, exceeding the expectations the world has of us and breaking the boundaries [fairly or unfairly] imposed on us. Although we all have different backgrounds and life stories, our encounter with rejection at some point in life is what connects us all and portrays the universality of life. Rejection is never about the why; it is about the "why not me". And even though some people are pretty good at moving on from it, for some of us, rejection is a deeply rooted issue that screams loudly about the silent battle that we fight everyday: the one about us "not being enough". Rejection can get us into a weird place and make us act out of character. Rejection can be loud or very subtle; especially when it plays tag with its extended family. The extended family of rejection is made of two sides, just like IRL with our real families. There is the ratchet side that makes you act crazy: insecurity, low self esteem and self hate; and there is the neat and composed side that silently drives you crazy and everybody else around you: success driven (very competitive), perfectionism, obsession with winning at all costs and over achievement. Louie Giglio in his book Goliath Must Fall brings these two sides under the umbrella of a same dysfunctional family although one side appears to have it together and the other doesn't. The battle against the giant of rejection is an ever present one and on-going one that, for some of us, has been a family cycle that is passed on from generation to generation or for others, something that was born from a brokenness that we experienced later in life. Rejection has a sting that poisons everything good in us and infects us, a magnifying glass that blows our perceived failures out of proportions, pushing us into an everlasting chase for something better, bigger, higher out there, believing that it will fill the void that the giant of rejection is widening everyday.
And as bad and hopeless as this fight seems to be, Louie Giglio is inviting us to "cloak ourselves in the true acceptance that Christ offers" in order to win it and this confidence in this divine acceptance is built on the following:
1- The understanding of the miracle of our creation
We are the work of God, fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps 139). When the lies of the devil surge to drown us into the sea of comparison, we ought the remember the truth that is the foundation of our creation and which according to Louie is that God made you:
Uniquely
⋆
Beautifully
⋆
Intentionally
⋆
Purposefully
⋆
Wonderfully
2-The remembrance that God chose us before the world and everything in it came to be; before we first experienced rejection, He chose us and loved us
We might not make it to people's choice but we are God's first choice, always have and always will be. And if this is not enough to uplift us and carry us through our battles against the giant of rejection, then we are to remember this...
3- The price God was willing to pay to save us
John 3:16. God gave his only son because He loved us and our worth is not measured by what we have or have don't have, can or cannot do: "our net worth is in Jesus-Christ. Our net worth is in whose life was given for us". we might not be worth a loaf of bread to this world, but to God, we are worth Jesus and "our net worth is forever anchored in the fact that Jesus was given for us"
4- We have to live life from Christ's acceptance, not for it
Jesus got God's acceptance before He even did a thing and so did we through Christ. Winning big in life doesn't equal victory over the giant of rejection. Acknowledging our need for acceptance and realizing that we have God's will set us free from the bondage of rejection. Understanding that we are not working towards earning that acceptance but rather that is was already given to us is what will allow us to uproot rejection and find our worth in Christ. Social media likes are great, being seen, validated and accepted by people is wonderful but living off it is setting ourselves up for a dependency on it to define us and setting ourselves up for failure; it also doesn't compare or come close to knowing that we are seen, heard, accepted and found worthy of being loved by the God who created the universe.
Overcoming the giant of rejection boils down to being mindful of how much we're worth to and loved by God and "turning our hearts towards the one who's already pursuing us". No rejections, flaws or imperfections can trump God's choice to bring you on this earth. He loves you with an everlasting love. Always has and always will.
Until next time,
A purposeful wanderer ❤
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