The Might God And The Taunting Giant: Overcoming The Giant Of Anger

Monday, July 22, 2019


It is midnight and there is service tomorrow. I should be in bed, but instead I am typing those words about another giant that has done a lot of damages, sometimes irreparable ones, in our community: the giant of anger. It will have you act funny and say not so funny things. It will have you breaking hearts and destroying lives in a heartbeat. And sometimes an apology is not enough. It is a beginning but it doesn’t take away the sting. It doesn’t mend a broken heart or broken relationships. It feels good to hear sometimes but other times, it is like trying to fix a bullet hole with a band aid. Growing up, I used to be a very emotional kid. I still am a very emotional person but there was a period in life where everything that I used to express and project outward just went inward and anger is one of those things. I went from having outburst of angers and fighting with about everybody that would act, talk or look at me funny to having a silent attitude and energy that would let the entire world know that there was some kind of rage and anger bubbling within. As Iyanla would call it, I was nasty nice: I was cloaking my attitude with a semblance of nice words which lowkey-highkey were jabs thrown at people. If my words were mean but served with a smile and a “I didn’t mean it that way” then really nobody could say that I was outwardly being aggressive or angry. Sometimes I was fake nice and some other time I was plain nasty: going for the jugular and trying to cut people deep with my words and my actions so that they could bleed the way other people made me bleed. I had gone from being openly aggressive at times to being passive aggressive which is one of the sneakiest, nastiest and most destructive form of anger that can ever be experienced. 

I have been on both ends : giving and receiving; but just as symptoms are a manifestation of something deeper, my anger was about something deeper than my outward experience of the world: it was rooted into a deep feeling of rejection, of feeling “off” that started out as frustration and grew into anger. What appeared and manifested itself as anger (inappropriate behavior) was a frustration about an inward experience that was exacerbated by external stimuli that amplified the discomfort I was experiencing growing up: the words that were said, the behaviors I had to accommodate because I didn’t have a voice, the confusion I grew up in but most importantly the part where I was made to feel like I was not good enough for people to stay, to fight for me, to defend me, to meet me half way or even to understand me. This deadly cocktail made me act funny and knock down people because I was on the ground and if I couldn’t stand then everybody had to go down with me. Anger is not a one time and done thing to deal with: it takes time and even though I have come a long way from where I used to be, there is still a tremendous amount of work to be done and every offense I have to fight my way through reminds me of it. But here is what Louie Giglio has to say about what he calls “the five smooth stones of truth” necessary to overcome the giant of anger: 

1- Remind ourselves that we aren’t perfect to begin with 

Putting things in perspective is one of the things that have allowed me to revisit my stance on anger. I used to be very good at holding a grudge but I have learned to lay it down at the foot of the cross. The first reason is that in the same way my feelings have been hurt, I felt betrayed or disrespected, God has experienced the same feeling when because of sin I put Him through what people have put me through. So being able to picture Him forgiving me and understanding that my record is not perfect made me drop some of the stones I had so many times wanted to throw at people. The second reason is that what has been done to me, I have done unto others and sometimes to a degree bigger than what I went through. And if God and those people were able to forgive me then why not forgive? God’s forgiveness gets me off my high horse when I think some people’s actions or words or behaviors don’t deserve forgiveness because if God could forgive me then I have no reason to withhold grace and forgiveness from someone else. 


2- We remind ourselves that God made peace with us 

More often than not, our outbursts of anger are rooted into rejection and the belief/feeling of not being good enough when the truth is we are. We have been accepted, forgiven and covered by the greatest kind of love that can ever be and there is proof: Jesus died for us at the cross. He took away our sins and the wrath of God that was destined to us fell on Him so that we can be reconciled with God. We are no more at odds with Him, we are no more working towards earning acceptance but we walk in it. We also walk in forgiveness and the peace that is offered to us through Christ. And when anger rages within and the lies of the enemy seem to intensify the flames of anger, we can always run to the cross where we can find solace in Christ. 


3- We hold on to the promise that God is our avenger 

I used to believe in payback but then, as I grew in my relationship with God, I learned to leave it all at the cross and pray for healing. What I realized is that God is a much better retributor than I can ever be to someone who did me wrong. More often than not, our motivation for payback is the belief that people will get away with their actions when the Bible assures us that there is a retribution for everything that we do, good and bad (Job 34:11) and our God is “ a jealous and avenging God” (Nahum 1:2). In all the times where I sought to do myself justice, it was never satisfying: the more I pushed for revenge, the greater the thirst for it was. It was consuming me and stealing my joy, my life and my precious time while the offenders went about their lives, not giving a dime about me. I had to surrender to God, to relinquish my right to do wrong because I was wronged and let God be God and be my judge and my avenger. To relinquish to God doesn’t mean to pretend that we are fine or to brush the hurt aside: it means to acknowledge it and to surrender it to God for healing instead to striking back. 


4- We forgive 

It took me a long time to understand that forgiveness was for me and even when I did, it took me an even long time to start practicing it. To forgive is hard. To forgive is divine and requires a belief in something bigger than you in order to move past some offenses. And I know because I have been through some things that still work me up. To forgive is not a once and done deal: it is a repetitive action where you will have to bring some offenses to the cross more than once. Why? Because thinking about some offenses will stir up your feelings, your soul and your spirit. Thinking about some offenses will make you feel as if you are still in the moment but instead of reacting on it, you have to surrender the feelings and the offense to the authority of Christ and lay them down at the foot of the cross. Forgiveness is you acknowledging that you were wronged and yet, choosing to not hold it against whoever offended you. Anger burns bridges and make them burn for however long the feelings are up. Forgiveness is quenching the fire. Forgiveness does not equate restoring the relationship that is broken or rebuilding the bridge because you might just not want to take the steps towards either of those options. Forgiveness is letting go of the offense so that the enemy cannot keep on building a fence that separates you from God because of your anger and unwillingness to forgive. 


5- We are sons and daughters of God 

No rejection, betrayal or belittling can trump God’s love and choice for us. This is the fifth truth that Louis Giglio calls us to remember every day. We are to remember that God’s love and voice are above all the aforementioned and that we are seen, loved, adored, taken care of and safe. We have a God that is looking out for us and will never forget nor forsake us.


The giant of anger can be hard to defeat, especially in a culture where people don't necessarily have the appropriate ways and tools to deal with emotions as overwhelming as anger can be. However, in the words of Louie, " we have to let God shift the tide in our heart" if we want to overcome this giant and live and free, fulfilling and purposeful life in Christ. 

Until next time,
A purposeful wanderer ❤

The Mighty God and The Taunting Giant: Overcoming The Giant of Rejection

Monday, July 8, 2019

I was found
Before I was lost
I was Yours
Before I was not
Grace to spare
For all my mistakes
And that part just wrecks me
And I know I don't deserve this kind of love
Somehow this kind of love is who You are
It's a grace I could never add up
To be somebody You still want
But somehow
You love me as You find me

~ Hillsong United



Back at it again and picking up from where we left at in our series. And today we are going to talk about the giant of rejection. I tried to write that piece so many times and it just didn’t feel right. Until today. I have always been real and have been very open about using my own experience as a platform to encourage, educate and/or share a good laugh and this piece about rejection is no exception.

A while ago, I met a guy (there is always a guy *le sigh*) and from my side of things things were good. Although I had been honest about not being in the right place to date ANYBODY, I still relent to go out with him a few times. And then, at some point (on a day we were actually supposed to go out) he hit me with the infamous, unofficial break up text: "I don’t see this going anywhere and I don’t want to waste your time. I still hope we can be friends." Despite the fact that I truly and honestly wasn’t in any kind of way available to date, I still liked him and was interested in getting to know him. And the sting of rejection felt like salt added to a fresh wound. And the fact that he didn’t give any reason probably made it worse. Although I rationalized being okay with this, I did dwell on it for a while because I couldn’t rationalize that he didn’t want me (I know right?! Tragic!)

I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that, whatever this was, he didn’t want to be a part of it. And this is the thing with rejection: whether there is a reason or not, it never makes sense. It’s one of those things that you can never rationalize and when we can’t, we start making up stories about it that feeds into the beliefs, thoughts and behaviors we developed from past experiences. And I did. I remember distinctly thinking at some point “maybe there is really something wrong with me” but then I realized that it was a lie of the devil. So I had to send it back to hell where it came from. I had to change the story and introduce new data. I had to get it in my head that perhaps he just wasn’t that interested or he changed his mind along the way or perhaps the fact he was being realistic about the fact that I would not change my mind about dating and the sting of rejection was equally real for him so he cut his losses. But I had to stop thinking that I did something wrong or that there was something wrong with me. 

Rejection is a thing and it is a giant that can be taunting and that can forever stunt our ability to grow into who God has called us to be, exceeding the expectations the world has of us and breaking the boundaries [fairly or unfairly] imposed on us. Although we all have different backgrounds and life stories, our encounter with rejection at some point in life is what connects us all and portrays the universality of life. Rejection is never about the why; it is about the "why not me". And even though some people are pretty good at moving on from it, for some of us, rejection is a deeply rooted issue that screams loudly about the silent battle that we fight everyday: the one about us "not being enough". Rejection can get us into a weird place and make us act out of character. Rejection can be loud or very subtle; especially when it plays tag with its extended family. The extended family of rejection is made of two sides, just like IRL with our real families. There is the ratchet side that makes you act crazy: insecurity, low self esteem and self hate; and there is the neat and composed side that silently drives you crazy and everybody else around you: success driven (very competitive), perfectionism, obsession with winning at all costs and over achievement. Louie Giglio in his book Goliath Must Fall brings these two sides under the umbrella of a same dysfunctional family although one side appears to have it together and the other doesn't. The battle against the giant of rejection is an ever present one and on-going one that, for some of us, has been a family cycle that is passed on from generation to generation or for others, something that was born from a brokenness that we experienced later in life. Rejection has a sting that poisons everything good in us and infects us, a magnifying glass that blows our perceived failures out of proportions, pushing us into an everlasting chase for something better, bigger, higher out there, believing that it will fill the void that the giant of rejection is widening everyday. 

And as bad and hopeless as this fight seems to be, Louie Giglio is inviting us to "cloak ourselves in the true acceptance that Christ offers" in order to win it and this confidence in this divine acceptance is built on the following:



1- The understanding of the miracle of our creation

We are the work of God, fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps 139). When the lies of the devil surge to drown us into the sea of comparison, we ought the remember the truth that is the foundation of our creation and which according to Louie is that God made you:

Uniquely
Beautifully
Intentionally
Purposefully
Wonderfully



2-The remembrance that God chose us before the world and everything in it came to be; before we first experienced rejection, He chose us and loved us

We might not make it to people's choice but we are God's first choice, always have and always will be. And if this is not enough to uplift us and carry us through our battles against the giant of rejection, then we are to remember this...



3- The price God was willing to pay to save us

John 3:16. God gave his only son because He loved us and our worth is not measured by what we have or have don't have, can or cannot do: "our net worth is in Jesus-Christ. Our net worth is in whose life was given for us". we might not be worth a loaf of bread to this world, but to God, we are worth Jesus and "our net worth is forever anchored in the fact that Jesus was given for us"



4- We have to live life from Christ's acceptance, not for it

Jesus got God's acceptance before He even did a thing and so did we through Christ. Winning big in life doesn't equal victory over the giant of rejection. Acknowledging our need for acceptance and realizing that we have God's will set us free from the bondage of rejection. Understanding that we are not working towards earning that acceptance but rather that is was already given to us is what will allow us to uproot rejection and find our worth in Christ. Social media likes are great, being seen, validated and accepted by people is wonderful but living off it is setting ourselves up for a dependency on it to define us and setting ourselves up for failure; it also doesn't compare or come close to knowing that we are seen, heard, accepted and found worthy of being loved by the God who created the universe. 


Overcoming the giant of rejection boils down to being mindful of how much we're worth to and loved by God and "turning our hearts towards the one who's already pursuing us". No rejections, flaws or imperfections can trump God's choice to bring you on this earth. He loves you with an everlasting love. Always has and always will.


Until next time,

A purposeful wanderer ❤

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