“Worrying won’t stop the bad stuff from happening. It just stops you from enjoying the good.”
Sometimes I can’t help it. I can’t help it but be worried. I can’t help it but try to know what is coming next.
It can be crippling you know… Being a control freak: not be able to let things follow their natural course because there is always that fear creeping up on me.
That fear of things not going according to the plan because if it doesn’t happen the way it should then everything built around it falls apart.
***
It is like being a kid in a sense: like how I used to get on the tip of my toes to see over the counter what I was getting for lunch because I just couldn’t give it a rest.
It is kind of the same except that now, the anxiety is at a much bigger scale and Lord… some days… some days it is just hard to just stop thinking so much.
Yes there are days where all I want is to pump the break and remind myself to be right here, right now.
There are days where all I want is for my mind to catch a break and for my heart to just not be constantly pounding because I can’t help but wonder what the next big thing will be or what else will go wrong or who else am I going to have to rescue.
***
Sometimes it’s just hard to just be right here, right now
Sometimes it’s just hard to just be right here, right now
Because all I can seem to hold on to is a thread made of “what ifs” and “shoulds” and “mights”
And oh my Lord… Some days it is just exhausting.
It is because it seems like behind every question mark, a heartbreak is hiding
And some days it feels like who I am is not enough to bear my worries, anxieties and fears that, at times, seem too overwhelming to overcome.
But then I remember that I don’t have to do all of that: I just need to take one step and rely on God for the next ones.
I just need to take one step and trust that if I fall there is someone who is there, always has been and always will be, to catch me.
***
And so when it is hard to be right here, right now, every now and then,
And so when it is hard to be right here, right now, every now and then,
I will remind myself to pump the break and look around, be grateful for what I have
And trust that everything shall come to be in due time.
And so be it.
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