“The problem with letting people tear your walls down, is that you never know who wants to take down those walls just for the fun of it. For amusement purposes. Just to say that he knew that he could. At the end of the day... the things you build should stay built. And you are no scapegoat for the sins of other people, in anyone's life. How dare anyone take down your walls not in order to see you; but only in order to feed their ego. In order to make you pay for sins not done by your own hands.” ― C. JoyBell
There are many reasons why someone may be shy; many reasons why some people like me keep things that hits home to them close to their hearts. Unable to share what lies underneath their smiles, silences and tears. Some people are just genuinely shy: unable to share because they don't know how. Unable to open because inviting people into their world makes them uncomfortable. Not that they don't want to. They just can't; they can't because it is part of their essence.
Then there other people who are shy and closed because it is who they have grown to be. It is what got them through what they have been through. They are guarded because they have learned. They have learned that some people are not worth being invited into their life. They have learned through betrayals of trust and broken promises that sometimes you have to meet people where they are and you have to leave them where they are. They have learned that sometimes trying to let people in and creating a space for them to feel at home with you is a perfect recipe for chaos. So they have closed the doors and they have learned to live their life behind the scene. They have learn to bear their own pains, mend their own heart. they have learned to be silent go through life motions. They have learned to smile when they feel like crying. They have learned to say "I am good" even when their world is falling apart. All because they understood that sometimes people come in with good intentions and sometimes they come in to tear you appart, kill your dreams and your hopes. Sometimes they come in to watch you die just as if they were assisting to the premiere of a drama movie.
But then there are people like me who just have made a shitload of mistakes, unfortunate choices and had their share of bad decisions. Those are the people that just won't share anything because of people judgements; because no matter what we say or do there will always be someone waiting to pick on us without knowing our whole story. And more often then not, you will encounter people like us. The people not sharing the story of our life at every occasion that we get because the last thing we want is to be judged or labeled something/ someone we are not.
So we will not share. We will not share until you ask "What is your story" because that is where everything started and if you know where it all started then maybe you will understand the full scope of where we come from and why we made the choices we did. But unless you do, we will just keep on living behind the scene because that's who we have grown to be.
We are who we are, do what we do and say what we say for a reason. And no matter what the reason is unless you know the whole story the reason will never matter to you and you will never understand. So next time you are tempted to judge a guarded heart, start with "What is your story?" because there lie the answers to the questions your judgements will never give you.
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