It's A Wrap

Hi there and welcome back to the final article of this blog for 2017. I sat down and reflected on this year a lot: what it's been, what is has given and also what it has taken. And although not everybody can say the same, I can say that 2017 has been good to me. Yes I've had lows where I was sitting in a pit emotionally, but even in the midst of it, God's grace carried me through it all and I am grateful to look back and thank Him for carrying me through another year. As we are heading (some of us crawling) into a new year, the question I kept asking myself is: what to make of this new year? How to tackle it? here are a few suggestions I came up with:

🌟 Keep it simple

We all have a tendency to complicate things, to overthink and blow them out of proportions, look more into things than needed to. this year let's keep it simple: take things for what they are, keep your answers short and sweet, mean what you say and say what you mean. No need for the embellishment. Go straight to the point.

🌟 Stand in your "no" and stand by your "yes"

No means no and yes well... Means yes. Learn to say no to things that do not honor you and that do not make you happy. Exercise your “no” muscle this year. No need to be mean or nasty, no need for long sentences: "No." is a sentence of it's own (refer to item #1 on list). If you don't want it, if you don't want to do it, say no and stand in it because it is your right. If you say yes to something, stand by your yes: even if everybody else says no. It's okay to be different, to think differently and to have different opinions. People don't have to understand: they just need to accept and respect it.

🌟  Quality not quantity

It took me years to understand that one and seeing my circle get smaller over the years definitely drilled it in my head. as we grow, we get into a phase where it is not about being popular anymore or having a lot of friends/ people around: it is about having that solid support system, those 3 or 4 people that have your back if shit ever is to hit the fan. It is about having people you can grow with, evolve with, people that open up your mind to life possibilities, people that build you up and that you can build up too, people you can have really deep and meaningful conversations with. That's what you should aim for in 2018.

🌟  Make space

This year, I decided to clean my closet. I am a hoarder and it is very hard for me to let go of things (literally and figuratively). But as I was cleaning my closets and packing stuff, I realized that unless you make space, nothing new can get into your life: de-cluttering your life, mind, heart [and closet] is an invitation for new things [good things hopefully] to get into your life. Essentially you are telling God and life "I am ready for something new to come my way". So don't be afraid to make space: let some people/things go, keeping in mind that if something is truly yours, if someone is meant to be in your life a) it will always gravitate around you or b) it will come back to some other time.

🌟  Ask for help

When I was done packing the things that I wanted to donate, I took all my bags outside my building and waited for my Uber. I managed to get three big bags full of clothes, shoes, and bags into that Uber but then, it got more difficult to get them from the Uber car to the donation site. I watched the Uber driver go away and leaving me out there in those streets, struggling to get those bags in! And I thought in myself: "I know this guy didn't just leave me here to handle all those bags by myself!" Then I heard a voice that said:" that's what happens when you don't ask for help." I was undone because this was absolutely true: when you don't ask for help people assume you got it and you have the resources needed to handle whatever you are going through. So why would they bother proposing to help you only to be rejected? Everybody hates rejection so no thank! 2018 is the year to grow and some phases of your grow curve/ process will require someone else to show you the way and show how to do some things you have never done before. We are all ignorant and learning in our very own ways (if you're not learning you're dead... yup I just said that) and we all need help. So no shame, no shade: be willing to acknowledge that you're stuck and that you need help because that's how you grow.

🌟  Ground yourself spiritually

Whatever you believe in: hold on to that. Practice it everyday, ground yourself spiritually everyday. my spiritual life in 2017 started out well and then fell off towards the end but i strongly believe that  the reason why I was able to make it through 2017 is because I was spiritually grounded. I had made a habit to talk to God, to get into my Bible and to build my spiritual being. It allowed me to absorb life's blows better than I did in 2016. some situations I went through shook me enough to leave me in haze for days (months at time) even while being spiritually grounded so I can't imagine what would have happened if I wasn't. So I decided that 2018 would be a year for me to go back to the basics, to grow bigger roots in my faith and to do better that I did in 2017. And I encourage you to do it too. 

🌟  Be Happy

Geniunely happy. Don't pretend to be happy to show your ex that you're running these streets. don't pretend so that whoever hurt you can see that you're over it when in fact you're not. Instead of putting so much effort into crafting those schemes, direct those efforts into creating genuine happiness. Put in the work! It is hard, it takes time, sometimes it feels like you'll never get it and then one day, it just happens: you can finally smile, laugh and you are absolutely unbothered. I had a friend asking me what would be my wish for 2018 if i had only one and i told him : "make 2018 my happiest year ever" and I meant it with every fiber of my being. It might not be easy: people will try me, life might try me at some time but I know Who I am and Whose I am so why fret? And plus I am making a conscious choice to not be offended and laugh as much as I can in 2018 so hopefully things should work out well. If I can do it, so can you :)

That's it for the last article of this year! I hope you had fun reading through the blog this year and that some of the things you read built you up, encouraged you, gave you hope and made you smile. 

I am wishing for 2018 to be the happiest year of your life. May God turn your biggest heartbreaks into your biggest wins for 2018. And may Happiness and grace accompany you all the days of this new year.

Happy New Year to you and yours ❤

Yours truly,

The Happiness Fairy 👸

12 Days of Love Letter 💌

Another week, another opportunity to share love and find hidden blessings dressed in overalls. If you are new around here: welcome and if you are one of the regular: welcome back! Always a pleasure to have you over. Today’s post is a little particular for me as it has to do with a sensitive subject for me, which, I am learning only now to be honest and open about: mental health.

Being honest and comfortable talking about mental health and your feelings/ emotions is not always easy especially as a black woman for the simple reason that being black and depressed is apparently like saying you’ve a seen a unicorn. We live in a society where, even though people of color seem to be more aware of mental health issues and advocating for talking about it, it is still taboo. My struggle with depression started a long time ago and it has kind of been an on-going theme for the past ten years. As I have grown, I have found new tools to help me deal better with the ups and downs of depression and one of them is writing love letters. Going through the things I went through growing up and feeling like I never had anybody to talk to or turn to for support, I promised myself that I would be for somebody else the person I would have wanted to have to help me and support me through the most difficult times of my life. And so over the summer, I discover More Love Letter, a non- profit organization funded by Hanna Brencher. The story of what is now one of the biggest movement, started when Hannah, finding herself in the pit of depression, started writing love letters to strangers and leaving them in random places in NYC for strangers to find, read and keep. Since 2011, there have been over 125 000 letters delivered to people in need of them and people from all over the world are joining forces (and words) to bring comfort and love to the people who need it the most. Ever since I found out about this, I have been writing love letters to strangers too and for the first time, I am participating in the 12 days of Love letters writing. From December 4-15, The World Needs More Love Letters is rolling out its biggest, grandest, most festive and challenging love letter writing campaign of the year. in honor of the holiday spirit, we roll out 12 letter requests over a span of 12 days. That’s no joke… 12 days, 12 letter requests, and a whole lot of holiday loving. Not everybody is as blessed as some of us are and The 12 Days of Love Letter Writing is a perfect way for to show up this season and help people in need around the world. And this is exactly what I did. As I went through the love letter requests, one of them pulled at a string on my heart.

Here is Alicia’s story as told by her sister:

“My sister recently moved to Chicago with her boyfriend of three years. Things had been progressing in their relationship and she imagined herself marrying him. However, the relationship came to a totally unexpected and heartbreaking end. Although my family is all within driving distance, he was all she had in her day-to-day life. She is heartbroken and can't fathom living her life without him there–her best friend. She feels immense loneliness and doesn't have a community around her to support and help carry her through. Alicia is the most loving person I know and spends time writing letters to strangers and hanging love notes in the trees of her town on Valentines Day. She loves through her words and actions on a daily basis and I know that receiving words of encouragement from others could really lift her spirit and help her to know she isn't alone.”

Let’s offer Alicia just that, and repay her kindness with kindness! Grab your pens + write some encouragement with us.

~❤~

After reading Alicia’s story, everything around me came to a halt and from the depth of a heart that has been broken and is still healing came these words:

“He was just a man…” she said
“He was just a man…I thought I would never heal. I thought I could never bounce back. I felt like I wasn’t enough; like something was wrong with me. Until I realized he was just a man and he was part of the plan”
I ,too, thought I would never heal: I thought I would never heal when at 3 am I couldn’t fall asleep and I was crying on my bathroom floor; when I was smiling one minute and the next one I was falling apart in the middle of aisle 2 at Target. I, too, thought I would never bounce back when the mention of this name would make me disappear into a puddle of tears or crumble like a sand castle. But he was just a man and he was part of the plan. His rejection was only a redirection to better things, a redirection to an opportunity to love myself, to be who I was called to be without shame, without guilt; an opportunity to finally stand on my own and embrace the queen within me, the one who was, still is and will always be independently of the presence of a king or his absence. It was hard at first to live without him and settle into that new reality. But eventually things got better.
It will take time to move on, heal and to learn to live [for now] with nothing but your precious and lovely self again. It will be tough but you, my darling, are tougher. So be brave. Be strong in the face of pain and be gentle with yourself in this new journey you are taking. Celebrate the small victories: your first laugh, your first day without tears, waking up every morning and finding hope in the little things… Things will get better but you already know that. I celebrate you: everything that you are and are yet to be, and I stand right by your side.

“He was perhaps dreamy and managed to eclipse you for a minute but always remember my love, that you are the sun. This is just a little rain, your shining light will be back again”

Sending you a lifetime supply of hugs and good thoughts,

With so much love,
A wounded healer.

All the letters for Alicia’s Bundle are to mailed to the following address by December 20, 2017:

Alicia’s bundle
℅ Genna F.
1331 Keenland Drive
Bartlett, IL 60103
USA

Want to participate into the 12 days of love letters? Sign up on More Love Letters and receive a request into your email for the rest of this holiday campaign. Each day, a new letter request will be published to the More Love Letters blog. You can write one letter or submit a note to all 12 bundles! The choice is yours! All letters should be postmarked by December 20, 2017. Your love letters will be bundled up with other letters from across the world and delivered by the new year!

Happy writing! 

xo

Life Lessons Inspired By Samson

Hi and welcome back to another article! Today I wanted to share with you a story that I have read a little while ago that has inspired me a few life lessons. I have heard some people say it before that the Bible is so outdated and that most of what is in there doesn’t apply anymore to the days we live in. To be honest, I chose to disagree with it. There are a lot of life lesson in the Bible that would have saved us some of the trouble we were/ are going through if we would just open and read it. Most importantly we wouldn’t have to fight so many battles blindly, begging for direction if we were paying attention to what God was telling through His word. Some of the reason our society is crumbling today is that we have chosen deliberately to ignore the spiritual and moral code of conduct that God has given us and instead, decided to establish our own, built on our own taste, desire, determination of what we think is good or bad. We have twisted and diluted the essence of the blueprint we have been given to better fit our quest to obtain some of the things that have send our whole society system in mayhem and some of our lives down the drain. And the case of Samson is no more different than some of us here. I say us because honestly I have been there too.

Samson was born to Manoach, a man from the Dan tribe in Israel and his wife whose name is not mentioned but whom we know was barren. Before the birth of Samson, a messenger of God was sent to her and her husband to give them specific instruction as to how to behave during her pregnancy (Judges 13:2-4) because this boy she was going to give birth to would be consecrated to God even before he was born (Judges 13:5). The Bible says nothing about the child upbringing but his story starts when the spirit of the Lord fell on him for the very first time. He was a powerful instrument in the hands of God but slowly, his heart started to lead him astray from God. The first lesson that jumped to my eyes when I read this story is how chosing your spouse can make or break you, make or wreck your destiny if you are outside of God’s will for you. In Judges 16, the Bible tells us that Samson fell in love with a woman named Dalila and she was from Soreq. Later in that chapter, we see that she is actually the one that sold out Samson to the philistines and we know what happened next: samson’s hair was cut, he was brought captive to the land of the philistines. And seeing after how abruptly samson’s ministry came to an end, I can’t help brut wonder: would this have been different if he had submitted his heart and his ways to God? Probably. Samson was led by his heart and it is where the beginning of the end came from him. speaking about the heart of men, Jeremiah 19:7 says :

"The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it? "

The first lesson from this story is learning to trust God and seek Him for all the decisions of our lives, especially when it comes to choosing the right spouse for us. Choosing your spouse is one of the most important decision that we are called to make into our life and as christian, the second most important (the first one being accepting Jesus as our Lord and savior). Whoever you end up marrying can do or undo your life, propel you into your destiny and make or break your dreams/ vision. Unfortunately, for Samson the woman his heart was set on undid his life and wreck his ministry in the process. Reading this story reinforced in me the idea that it is very important to be equally yoked with the person you plan on marrying. Not only spiritually because when you marry you become one, but also from the standpoint of your values, your goals and your objectives in life. It is important to be with someone who shares and embrace your vision and who you share the same values with because those values will be the foundations upon which your marriage will rest. Let me say this again: love is important but it is not enough to keep a marriage from collapsing. Romantic feelings will fade over time or not be as strong as they were in the beginning, there will be highs and lows in your marriage and you are going to need something solid as a foundation. This is were having common goals and values will save your marriage because not matter how hard the bad days are and not matter how difficult the journey is, you are both moving in the same direction. You have to make sure you are both building each other and by having the same vision, you are walking with the same spirit in order to reach the goals you have set for your marriage. If people who are not christian know how important it is to marry to the right person, why as christan do we rush into marrying, willing to settle for anything just because it is available ? why do we rush into marrying the wrong person? Sometimes after even God gave us clear signs that we shouldn't do it? It is time we start submitting to God and seek him before our emotions and heart led decisions wreck us, along with our destiny, especially when it comes to chosing a spouse because when it comes to that matter it is all about being wise rather than being fast.

The second lesson from this story is that contrary to belief, God’s grace runs out when we deliberately and blatantly chose to live a life that does not honor Him. Delilah was from a town named Soreq which during my research I found means "vine", "noble vineyard". When Manoach’s wife was approached by the angel of God one of the instruction she was given is to not consume anything from a vineyard as it would affect Samson anointment. This should have also been a prescription for Samson to follow obviously. Although in a literal sense he did not really consume a product from the vineyard, in a figurative sense he did when he attached himself to a woman who descended from “a noble vineyard” (Soreq). He boldly and wholeheartedly ignored god’s prescription and decided to have what he wanted anyway. And because he had managed to extricate himself from the hands of his enemies three times (Judges 16) he thought the fourth time would be the same. But because he got comfortable enjoying what God had prohibited him from, he fell into a situation where God could not save him from. The Bible says that he opened his whole heart to Delilah which is a physical representation of the things that God prohibits us from, a physical representation of the sin we deliberately and wholeheartedly embrace, adopt, and pet thinking “meh… I walked away before and I can always do it again. I’ll pray and ask God to deliver me. I’ll ask for God’s grace”. Although it is true that God’s grace is accessible it should not be abused; although it is true that God’s grace is always available, it does run out and Samson was one of those of us who found out the hard way.  Judges 16: 18- 21 tells us how things unfolded for Samson after he opened his heart to Delilah:


“ When Delilah saw that he had told her all his heart, she sent and called the lords of the Philistines, saying, “Come up again, for he has told me all his heart.” Then the lords of the Philistines came up to her and brought the money in their hands.  She made him sleep on her knees. And she called a man and had him shave off the seven locks of his head. Then she began to torment him, and his strength left him. And she said, “The Philistines are upon you, Samson!” And he awoke from his sleep and said, “I will go out as at other times and shake myself free.” But he did not know that the Lord had left him. And the Philistines seized him and gouged out his eyes and brought him down to Gaza and bound him with bronze shackles. And he ground at the mill in the prison. But the hair of his head began to grow again after it had been shaved.”



My Lord… Isn’t it horrible what happened? In another version of the Bible it is said they plucked Samson’s eyes and send him in captivity. This is physical representation of what happen in the spiritual world when we sin: we become spiritually blind. We can’t see where we are going anymore and we “grope in the dark without light and tagger like a drunken man” (Job 12:25). Sin felt good for a moment to Samson but led him to a terrible place of brokenness and suffering: his eyes were plucked, he was led into captivity and put in shackles. But there thank God there is a restauration after that as “ the hair of his head began to grow again after it had been shaved”(Judges 16:22). One day te philistines were rejoicing and wanted some amusement, so they sent for Samson to be fetched. As Samson got into the temple of the philistines god, he prayed and asked God for strength one last time to vindicate himself for the loss of his sight. God listen and answered and as he avenged himself he also died with his oppressor. This story could have probably ended another way? Yes but it ended this way for a reason that only God knows. But let us make a different choice today. Let us turn away from the very things that would lead us in the dark places we would be in if didn’t make the bad choices that we made in the first place. And if we made those choices and we feel it’s already too late, let’s all remember that there’s still redemption in Christ and that his saving grace is still enough to snatch us from the hand of our enemies at the condition that we wholeheartedly turn away from our sins and vile ways and submit to God as well as his will for our life.

So instead of trusting a heart that is deceitful and physical strengths, reasonings that just as Samson can abandon us at any given moment, let’s Trust in the Lord with all our heart, and do not lean on our own understanding; let’s acknowledge Him in all your ways which literally means submit entirely everything to Him, seek his will for us in ALL areas of our lives, and He will make straight our paths (Prov 3:5-6)

Hope this helped someone!

The Wait Before Meeting The King

Welcome back to the blog for a new article! Today I wanted to talk about a different aspect of being single. I wanted to touch on the opposite idea that is being preached to single women: The idea that in order to meet someone you need to be proactive (aka look for him). I felt like it was a good topic to talk about because in an era where women and men are considered as equals in so many aspects of life, it is sometimes expect that women have to be proactive about finding a man. It has become such an obsession that people sometimes miss the greatest and biggest lessons about life and relationships trying to rush out of their single season. But one thing we tend to forget is that whatever we do not heal shall repeat itself and whatever test we do not pass life will present it to us again and again and again, until we finally get it.

I have been single for a minute and deciding to stop entertaining some grown boys nonsense and run after some of them like a headless chicken, I took some time to think about relationships. I have always entertained the idea of marriage but during the single season I have been walking in for a little while now, I have done a LOT of soul searching. And although, like every young woman my age, I aspire to get married soon (-er rather than later), I had to let my head cool off and come to term with the fact that perhaps I am not ready yet. At first it felt like I got smacked in the face (real good, like hood good) but it was one of those raw and honest moment that I typically have only when I hit rock bottom or when I am trying so hard for something to happen and I hit a brick wall. I knew I wasn’t ready because I was chasing. I knew I wasn’t ready because I was seeking companionship because I was tired of being single. I knew I wasn’t ready because getting married was another accomplishment on my list, another box I was trying to check with the wrong persons (at times). I knew I wasn’t ready because although I was enticed by the idea of being married, I realized that the idea and the reality of it where two different things. And I was not prepared for the reality of it.

So I went a little bit in the book of Esther and did a little bit of reading. After Vashti was disgraced by the King, he sent out word to select the most beautiful ladies of each province, bring them to the harem and after a period of time, he would pick one of them to be made queen. However, before any of those young women was called before the king, she had to be prepared. This preparation would last twelve months and was known as the beautification process. So Esther did not directly appear before the King. She was set apart, refined and polished for ten months, then she appeared before the king who “loved her more than all the women” (Est 2:17). And this has to do with the fact that, besides God’s grace and favor on her, she did not rush the process: no matter how long it took for her to get ready, Esther followed the instructions from the beginning to the end. She stayed the course of it, did not look for a shortcut or tried to do things her way.

As Christian women, we are also in preparation to meet Jesus our King but also the man that he has appointed for our life. But just like Esther we have to undergo a beautification process and in our case it has to do with our soul, our heart, our life (physical and spiritual) so that by the time we are to appear before our king and be revealed to him, we are ready. We have had time to get rid of what was hindering us, we are not entertaining the nonsense anymore but rather we are beautifying ourselves in the presence of God because the Bible says in psalm 45: 13 “All glorious is the princess within her chamber; her gown is interwoven with gold.” Because she is not a queen yet but rather a princess she is dwelling into the palace of her father, the King of King. So the Glory that is depicted in this verse comes from being into God’s presence by praying, meditating the word of God and walking accordingly rather than dwelling/ walking in the flesh. The beautifying process as a Christian woman, starts with seeking God, refusing to entertain things/ people that can forfeit our call/ future/career/walk with Christ and is perfected with our ability to follow God instructions in our time of preparation/walk in obedience no matter how long it is. And trust me, sometimes it can feel like a VERY LONG TIME but Esther is an example of why it is worth it. She is an example that walking in obedience and trusting God works and I am sure that there are many examples like this! 

Don’t get me wrong: the wait and preparation season can be frustrating and daunting sometimes; especially when you have been a bridesmaid at five different weddings in a year but you’re still undergoing the beautifying process (I haven’t reached that level yet but if you’re looking for a bridesmaid just email me. I won’t let you down. just kidding. No I'm not...) And Some days you just get so much into your feelings that the only thing you want to do is have ice cream for breakfast and live on your couch. But guess what you cannot do that! You cannot because you would only be delaying your time for the blessing and lengthen the process. And no matter how hard it is (and some days it really is hard, giving-yourself-the-peptalk-in-front-of-your-bathroom-mirror hard)  part of the beautification process is learning to be content in your season while working on building your life and your spirit so that when you appear before your king you are ready. And he will know who you are. You won’t have to chase him or prove to him that you are his rib or his woman or his wife. He will know! Adam saw eve. She didn’t have to introduce herself. She didn’t have to force a title out of him with a knife to his throat being all kind of ratchet and level 5000 psycho. He knew she was his because when he woke up he said “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” (Gen 2:23)

So to all the single ladies out there (myself included 'cause I know! some of you were about to come at me): let's relax and just stop looking (I wouldn't even be able to even if I wanted because I'm exhausted). The bible says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” (Prov 18:22) He will find you at the time appointed by God even if you’re at the seat 52B off to Lisbon, Spain or Japan. He will find you! Just make sure you do the work and you’re ready when it is time to appear before your king.

Until then,
xo

The Equally Yoked Series: Love Does [Not] Conquer All

Probably one of the shortest article i will write but I still thought it was worth being written. So short you will probably think « well... she could have easily said that in the previous one » but then you would have probably nailed me for writing miles long articles. Mankind... Anyway! Welcome back to the last leg (hopefully) of the equally yoked series and I think the title doesn’t get any more explicit. We’ve heard it before « love conquers all » in theory but real life can be much more complicated than cupid dressed as a spartan to conquer everything that comes its way (beautiful analogy, not very realistic) although there are a few exceptions that have made it work, some differences are sometimes difficult near impossible to conquer no matter how in love you are with each other. It might seem at the beginning that you can overcome it but then as the hormones and the delusion fade you are left facing either the most infamous question of all time or the most painful reality  which translate to "what do we do now?" Or "this is not going to work". Every relationship / mariage before being entered should have a set of rules/ agreements that define the boundaries upon which both parties are operating. Those agreements make up the code of conduct of this relationship and/or marriage. It comprises the spiritual and moral codes of conduct you are both mutually agreeing to follow as well as an understanding of what your goals and objectives (personal and as a couple) are.

 As important as being equally yoked spiritually is (speaking for me as a christian) there is also a need to be equally yoked when it comes to your values, vision and goals. The reason being that it doesn’t matter how compatible you are spiritually, if you do not agree on the values, your goals and your vision it might be a problem down the line. Some people get into relationships thinking that they can pray away the divergences that they are facing, only to turn bitter down the line when they realize that things are not turning the way they WANTED them to. Why get into a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to get married when you do? Why get married to someone who doesn’t want kids when you do? Why be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe in monogamous relationship when you do? As hard as it is to reroute your heart and convince it to not do all kind of level 5000 stupid choices (and believe me when I say level 5000 stupid because some choices I still regret to this day), there are conversations that you need to have with yourself first and with the person you are about to enter a journey with. Most of the time we think that with time the person we love will change and see things from our perspective and chose to embrace our vision but it rarely happens that way and people rarely change to fit the ideas and expectations we have of them. If anything, with the years, some of them get further away from that ideal we have. Love is fundamental to build a relationship or a marriage but it is not enough. It is not enough because romantic feelings may fade: you need to have other [solid] foundations over which your relationship/ marriage rests in order to make it work. You need to be honest with yourself and your partner about how important the values you carry with yourself are and if you share the same set of values. Be honest about your goal and vision and if you are not aligned decide how important it is for you. Obviously it should be important because walking in two different visions defeats the purpose of marriage or a relationship. But that is just my opinion.

All in all, before you let yourself crash in an emotional train wreck, think carefully about what you want, what is important for you. Have that conversation with yourself first and with your partner. And if you do not reach an agreement that helps define your core values and moral code of conduct for the relationship/ marriage maybe your should let them go. It doesn’t mean you are a bad person or they are. It just mean you are not a match for each other.

Overcoming vs Overthinking : Walking By Faith Rather Than By Emotions

Welcome back to the blog and to another article which I hope will encourage someone and uplift your soul. Today I want to share a little reflection that I had while reading my Bible a little while ago. People might say that it is outdated but I still open it and read it because there are a lot of hidden treasures in it, a lot of stories/ lessons that I find still relevant to the  lifetime and world we live in. And even though the contexts are different, some concepts/ principle still apply to live an abundant life in Christ. 

One of the stories that I particularly like is found in 2 Kings 4: 8-37. The beginning of the story (v8-14) is about a woman who met Elisha as he was passing by Sunem and pressed him to stop by her house to eat. Ever since that day, whenever Elisha was passing by the village of Sunem, he would stop by to eat. But then, that woman went the extra mile and prepared a room for the man of God in her house so that he could dwell there when he was coming. And so one day, Elisha retreated into his room and asked Guehazi to call the woman. And when she came, he asked her what favor she desired he rendered her. But the story started with the mention that she was a rich woman and so she told him that she had all she need and was happy (content) in the midst of her people. Once she was gone, Elisha discussed the matter with his servant Guehazi who pointed out to him that she and her husband didn't have a child. He then ordered Guehazi to called her back and prophesied that by the time he would come back the following year she would have a child. And his word came to pass: the woman became pregnant and gave birth to a son.

Fast forward a few years later (v15-28), the child became sick and died in the hands of her mother. And this is the part of the story that interested me the most : we have all lost someone and we know that this is the most excruciating, soul crushing experience. Even for the best of us, it has happened that losing a loved one as left us sitting on the verge of insanity, unable to snap out of the nightmare. So I could only imagine that woman must have felt watching her son, her ONLY child die in her own hands! BUT here is the plot twist: she took her son to the room of the man of God, laid her son on the bed and closed the door behind her and went to find her husband. She did not break down in tears: she went to her husband and asked for permission to have someone taking her to the man of God. Now back then, families traveled to a man of God only on two occasions: either to celebrate the New moon or on the day of shabbat but in this case it was neither. So the husband surprised asked why she was traveling to the man of God. Her only response was :"All is well". Really?? This is a mother whose son just died!! He is laying lifeless, breathless and she says all is well... Cool.

She took off, and as she arrived to the place where Elisha was dwelling (Mount Carmel), she met Guehazi first. When he saw her he asked her the questions Elisha as commissioned him with: "Is all well with you? Is all well with your husband? Is all well with the child?" and she answered :"All is well". Okay now... She did it not once but TWICE! At first we could have said that it was the shock but a second time?! That woman was up to something. She kept her composure all along but as soon as she found herself at the feet of Elisha, she let it all out.

That woman did not give into her feelings and she did not allow people to do the same by letting them know what she was going through. And perhaps the reaction of Jesus in a story quite similar in Matthew 9 explains why. In this story, a Jew came to fetch Jesus because his daughter had just died and he wanted Jesus to come and lay his hands on her so that she could live again. When he went to the man's house the bible said in verse 23

 

"And when Jesus came to the ruler's house and saw the flute players and the crowd making a commotion"

When I looked up the definition of commotion, it said that it was "a state of confused and noisy disturbance". When we give into our emotions this is what happens: we get confused and the noise of the world and our own thought prevent us to hear God.

 

Just like that woman, Jesus had to keep the crowd at bay because their emotions would be in direct opposition with the miracle he was going to perform and the disposition of their hearts would perhaps not be favorable for a miracle.  The Shunammite woman somehow understood that: she didn't give into her feelings nor allowed anybody to do it because she knew it wasn't the time to let her emotions rule. She didn't want people to transfer their fears, disappointment, sadness to her or disturb her peace and serenity: she knew it wasn't the time to overthink but rather to overcome. She dismissed the world and ran to God because she knew God could do something about her situation. Mountains symbolize the place where we meet God : in the Bible it is usually the place where men of God would retreat to talk to God and the mount carmel was no exception. That woman went to the place where she knew she would find the man of God and thus God Himself. And God did show off and turned things around for that woman through his servant Elisha: he prayed and God answered, bringing that woman's son back to life.

From this story I took away two things that we can all apply when facing adversity or difficulties that turn our world upside down:

a) when situations happen what we need is to stay rooted in faith no matter how difficult it may be. And sometimes it can be really reaaaally hard. BUT! it is what we ought to do for the simple reason that once we are led by our emotions we tend to go astray and lose sight of God's plan for us and what He can do in our lives. We are less inclined to hear his voice and because we are worried and all over the place, we cannot see Him move and let Him do what He has to do. I am pretty sure He could have prevented the death of that woman's son. I am pretty sure she was praying begging God to do something but God let things happen because He had a point to prove. Sometimes there are situations that happen where God has a point to prove. Maybe it was a way for God to make that woman's faith firm by testing it or maybe it was a situation that God created so that she could have a personal encounter/ story with Him. Whatever it was, she overcame and perhaps we should strive to be a little more like that woman who had faith and hoped against all hope : instead of wallowing, panicking and crying, we need to stay collected, focused and trust that "all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." (Rom 8: 28)  

b) We need to seek God's presence. I understand that it feels good to discuss your issues with people. Really... I get it. Been there, done that. But what good is it to only talk about it if you are not doing anything about it? I hadn't always been the one to talk a lot about my issues not to mention to talk to Jesus but let me tell you something: it works out. Call me crazy but I'd rather seek God and tell Him about what I am going through rather than be too chatty and hear about my business in the streets. At worst, if you have to talk about it, I would advice to talk to someone who is going to pray with you and/or pray for you in order for you to get through what you are going through. And once you make God your source, once you mute the noise of the world and all the shenanigans that could interfere with your miracle and really seek Him, things start shifting. I can say it because I have experienced it.

I pray that God grants you serenity to go through what you are going through with faith and courage, knowing that "weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning" (Psalm 30:5)

Until next time,

xo

Don't Stay Stuck When They Leave

“ Life will not stop just because Justin left” ~ Mary Jane Paul,

Being Mary Jane, season 4 episode 20

This has probably been one of the realest episode and season of Being Mary Jane. I have watched that woman grow, struggle, go from heartbreak to heartbreak to finally understand one of the most important lessons in life: you cannot make choices based on your sense of insecurity or your fear of people leaving you. You make choices that you feel are right for you. She stood for herself and dared to go down a route she had never been before. She chose to support her friend and pursue what she wanted even if it meant that she had to do it alone because sometimes you just have to let things/ people go in order to get where you are mean to be. But how many of us crumble and stay stuck when people leave our life because of the choices and values we decide to hold onto? Worst! How many of us hold on to people/things by fear thus compromising our dreams, our values, our future, selling ourselves short in the process?

When Lot and his family left Sodom and Gomorra, Lot’s wife looked behind her and was turned into a statue of salt but Lot did not look behind. He did not stop. He did not stay stuck: he had to keep moving because there was a place he had to go and until he got there he could not stop. And there is no greater loss than the loss of a spouse! But he simply couldn’t risk looking back and stay stuck because it wasn’t worth it. Did he feel sad? Probably. Did he mourn the loss of his wife? It is safe to assume that. But did he let that stop him from going where God had told him to go? No. He kept walking until he got to a safe place where he could look back without risking to be stuck there.
Some people have to leave you and exit your life in order for you to go where you are supposed to go. They have to because otherwise they will slow you down, hinder you in your walk and you might never get to where God has planned for you to be at. And you cannot crumble every time somebody leaves. You cannot fall apart every time someone walks away from your life! The road is still long and you cannot afford to waste time that you do not have.

For serious 😩😂

In Matthew 13:36 which relates the events preceding the crucifixion of Jesus, Peter asked Jesus where He was going and to that Jesus responded:

“Where I am going you cannot follow me now, but you will follow afterward.”

Jesus knew that where He was going not everybody could accompany him. He knew! that in order for the Divine plan of God to take place He had to go through what He went through alone! And sometimes we have those really close friends that have been there since day one and who swear they will always have our back no matter what just like Peter! And they demonstrate a willingness to just accompany us and be there just like Peter but let’s looks at what happens in the following verses (Matthew 13 37 to 38):

“Peter said to him, “Lord, why can I not follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.” Jesus answered, “Will you lay down your life for me? Truly, truly, I say to you, the rooster will not crow till you have denied me three times.”

Now here's the breaking news: the people walking the walk with you may mean well and speak from a place of genuine feelings and emotions but guess what? Just like Peter they might deny you. Not because they don’t love you, not because they weren’t genuine (but it’s a possibility) but because it is God’s divine set up to get you where you have to go, to propel you into your divine destiny and to allow you to go from the grave to the glory. And if it is part of God's plan for your life there is nothing you can do to keep them. Nothing.  Don’t you think Jesus was bummed out? Crushed and sad? Of course He was! But He knew already that all of this was for a higher purpose! He knew looong before those events that “all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Rom 8:28. So He knew that eventually He would be alright. He didn’t stay into his feelings or spent days asking himself “why are people leaving me? 😭😭😭” He knew He had to go somewhere and people had to get out of the way for Him to get there in a timely manner.

I want to encourage someone today to keep walking. The road can seem long and lonely, and honestly it sucks when people leave your life but some people simply cannot follow you where you are going. Please overstand that them leaving serves a higher purpose for your life, that will be revealed by God in due time. And it might not make sense now. You might be hurting like hell right now but just know that this too shall pass and all things (all of them) will work together for your good, according to God’s purpose for your life.


Until next time,
xo

Born A Crime

"As an outsider myself, I always mixed myself with different groups…I’ve never been afraid to go into a different space and relate to those people, because I don’t have a place where I belong and that means I belong everywhere." ~ Trevor Noah

New month new challenges and to celebrate this a new book to under the spotlight of Underneath The Cover. Today I am bringing to you Born a Crime, by Trevor Noah. If you're familiar with The Daily show, then you know that Trevor Noah is John Stewart's successor and even though he had big shoes to fill, he hasn't disappointed us yet. He is hilarious and while discussing subjects of the highest importance never misses a chance to put in a well thought joke or a punch line that leaves you wondering if laughing is an appropriate reaction to what should be heartbreaking news. With his constantly growing notoriety and the odds being in his favor, none can deny the fact that it was, without a shadow of a doubt, the best moment to birth one of the best read that you will have, should you feel convinced to order it after reading this review. This book was actually listed on Bill Gates Summer Reads and turned out to be just like its author: full of unexpected surprises and reactions that where somewhere in between a breakup heartbreak, an uncontrollable laugh that might have caused accidental bladder leaks and hope that as long as you're still breathing, there's hope to create better tomorrows.

Trevor Noah was born in South Africa during the time of apartheid from a Xhosa Mother and a German expat father. In this Autobiography, Trevor Noah tell the tales of what it was like to grow up in a society where he was on the fence as a mixed (colored) kid when apartheid only drew a line of demarcation between black and white. He talks about the fight of his mother to give him the things she never had and allow him to see the world outside of the social, racial and ethnical walls imposed by the Apartheid. This story is one of a man who considering his environment and upbringing was doomed to failed but successfully beat the odds and transcended the barriers that existed way before he was even born. It brings out a reality that most people outside of Trevor's world seem to forget, a reality that anyone struggling to get to a better place in life can relate to: success is not straight line. Trevor managed to do an amazing job at telling his story vividly and with emotions, taking you from crazy laughter to tearing up because some of the struggles he went through are relatable and depict the daily life of anyone who's had to make the most out of [almost] nothing growing up. It is the story of every [African] child being whooped out of [tough] love because of our mischief and misbehavior; intertwined with a testimony of how a human being can evolve and adapt in order to stay alive. It is a book full of beautiful lessons and here are the ones that I personally took away.

1- There is nothing like the love of a mother

Trevor's mother did not have much growing up but one thing she certainly had was a fierce spirit that led her to somehow have the things she put her mind on. And that same fierce spirit is was led her to always fight to provide and protect her two sons (Trevor and his little brother Andre). She gave her all to make sure that they did not lack and that they could have the opportunities she didn't have growing up. She is the embodiment of unconditional love and self sacrifice, virtues that every parent [should] aspire to be.

2- Surround yourself with the right people

 

Reading Trevor Noah's book, I realized that to be able to succeed you have to surround yourself with people that will make you better and pull you up. Now Trevor's Friends did not seem like they could do much back then, but he always had that one friends that could find multiple ways to earn money and increase their revenues. He had people with the right mindset around him and it is very important to be surrounded with those kind of people to be able to go far in life and to be successful.

 

3- Prayer works

 

The story of how Trevor's mother escaped death after being shot in the head by her husband is one to read and one that gives you chill. But the lesson in this for me was beyond that. As Christian, we are sometimes (most of the time) being mocked for being zealous and for believing in something we supposedly have no proof of. And on top of this, we Christian ourselves get into our feelings sometimes when we pray for certain things that we do not obtain right away or when we do not see a change in our life. But this last story told by Trevor is a testimony that sometimes our prayers are the reason why we escape certain situations and how we are still alive. And I could relate to it because the reason why I am still here, running this blog, sharing my thoughts and encouraging you is because prayer works.

 

4- See beyond what your eyes can see and challenge the system

 

"Living with my mom, I saw how she used language to cross boundaries, handle situations, navigate the world." ~ Trevor Noah

Sometimes when we are stuck in a place in life, it is hard to see beyond where we are currently standing however Trevor's mother refused to adopt that mindset. Although she had little to offer and was raising a colored child during the apartheid, she gave Trevor the opportunity to experience the world beyond the social and racial barriers that were imposed by the South African government. She didn't know when (and if) the apartheid would end, but one thing she had her mind set on is that she wanted her son to experience the world beyond those limits. She wanted for her son to be adequately equipped to handle the world that he would be given once the apartheid would end. She also learned to challenge the system by finding loopholes that allowed her to live the life she had always wanted and Trevor certainly learned from the best judging by the experiences he relates in his book. Sometimes all we see is not all there is to life: we have to be willing to challenge the system, our beliefs and dare to see bigger, further than were we stand now.

This book is 304 pages of love, laugh and tragedy delivery the gut-wrenching story of one of the most successful host show American has ever known. It is available in Hardcover, paperback and Kindle and you can order online or get it in store ( I got mine from Barnes and Nobles). As I put this book down and started writing my review I was convinced of two things right off the bat: 1) it was easily a five stars rating and b) this book is by far my second best read of this year (first read will be up soon). The way the book is written makes it easy to ready and whenever you put your book down (if you can), your mind is begging for  more and you feel that uncontrollable itch to pick up from where you left at.

If you have to read one book for the rest of the months leading to the end of this year, let it be this one. You'll thank me later!

Until next time,

xo

The Equally Yoked Series: "Two Is Better Than One"

Welcome back to a new article and a new series where I will be discussing [Godly] relationships. For this new article, I thought about dabbling a little into a question I've come to ask myself as well as people around me a lot: can a Christian marry a non-believer? I am sure you have heard it before: do not marry a non-believer. We’ve all been there and heard the infamous “unequally yoked” verse. You have managed to drill it into your head and yet, here you are, reading this article because you have inevitably fallen for a handsome man  or a beautiful woman who is everything you can ask from a man/ woman but is not a believer. And you are beginning to think of all the couples you know where one of the spouses is a non-believer and yet they still manage to make it work. And so you contemplate the idea of marrying someone who is not on the same spiritual journey you are on but swears that they respect and support you. Fair enough. I am not judging you and trust me when I say I have been there and I know it all too well: the anger, the bargaining, the compromises and then the realization that perhaps it is not going to work out so well for you in the end. And let me tell you this… Nothing hurts more than letting go of something you truly want and desire (that and being told you can’t have your favorite food because there is no gluten free version of it yet… Gosh… ) I am not judging you at all because I have been there but let me give you my take on this matter hoping that it will help you better assess the direction you want to go in from this place of heartache and confusion you stand at right now.

A few days ago while I was attending Bible study, we were discussing  Ecclesiast 4: 9-12. And although we were talking about a totally different topic still related to that passage, verse 12 caught my attention in particular as being (in my opinion) one of the keys to a successful marriage:

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble […] A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”

A couple where both spouses are Christians has higher chances of standing compared to one where only one is a Christian because you both cover each other spiritually and can stand strong as a couple in spiritual warfare (yes this is a real thing… Might post an article someday about it). When one spouse is weak the other can pray and stand strong for the other and vice versa; a little bit like watching a house: if one person is tired, falls asleep or missing his/her turn at watching the house, the other person can cover for it. The second part spoke more to me as having a marriage/ relationship centered on Christ: when things will get rocky, both spouses will know where to run (in the presence of God) and who to run to (God). They will seek counsel from people who can and will (hopefully) direct them according to the Word of God. Having built a marriage on Christ assures a household built on solid foundations (both spouses in agreement with spiritual principles and acting accordingly, Matt 7:24) with the condition that both spouses are equally working on having a successful and healthy marriage, committed to God and committed to each other.

A Christ-centered and godly marriage does not guarantee that things will run smoothly. If you think it does, I got breaking news: you’re wrong. What it means however is that when things go wrong you know in which direction to go. And that is why it is important to walk in the same direction as mentioned in Amos 3:3.

“Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?”

What this means is that either you will go in one direction (one spouse pulling the other: towards God or away from God) or you will walk in separate directions (which totally defeats the purpose of marriage). Marrying a non-believer seems like a good idea in the moment and might even work on the short run. But down the road, issues will arise especially if you are called to go further in your walk with God: the distance of your spouse to God will be echoed in your marriage as you grow closer to God.

So now what? Well you tell me! If you are reading this, chances are you have already decided what your next step will be but you are looking for clues, signs or what not to comfort you in your decision. Marriage is a personal decision just like salvation: you marry someone who is good for you and to you, not for the people giving their opinion on who they think you should marry. Two things I will tell you however are: 1) figure out what is the most important to you between a spouse and a godly spouse and once you do, 2) pray. Leave it to God to be what He wants things to be without getting too caught up in your feelings and/emotions because they can deceive you.

Hope this helped.

Until next time,

xo

Being A Savage Doesn't Mend A Broken Heart: Only Time Does.

We hurt, we learn, we grow… But how many of us are stunting our growth by what we refuse to learn? By what we refuse to let go of? By the emotions we deny ourselves thinking that if we conceal and pretend long enough that we don’t feel them, eventually they will go away?
Oh honey... emotions buried alive don’t die: they fester and show up as inappropriate behaviors. Iyanla Vanzant said it, life taught me, way before I found those words.


See I am part of that generation of "savages": we laugh it all off to the face of the world only to cry ourselves to sleep in the lonely hours. We pretend to be okay because we have a duty to entertain “an audience” but really, all we are comes to two things: walking broken hearts and wounded souls; each and everyone carrying burdens and emotional baggage that we are too scared to undo. We seem to have it all figured out, with social media and the whole shenanigans, but in reality we are hollow and empty. We are shadows of who we used to be simply because we refused to acknowledge that the hurt was real and when it caught up with us the aftermath was not pretty. We deny ourselves the right to hurt and to grieve because we have been taught that to say that we are hurt is to be weak. And so we jump from one thing/ person to another to distract our mind and heart from something that is so very real, from a pain that knows no name and that pushes us everyday to the edge, the edge of reason. Physically standing but emotionally crumbling, physically alive but emotionally dying from a slow and painful death that nobody can see because we are too good at masking our pain; walking around like Superman and letting our inner Clark Kent die, only forgetting they both depend on each other to stay alive. We get so caught up playing superhero that we forget we're only humans and God forbid we admit we also need saving and rescue from the very things that eat us alive, the things that keep us up at night.


Being a savage doesn’t mend a broken heart baby, only time does; time and a little faith: Faith that you won’t stay in the same spot forever; faith that one day you will wake up and something inside you will have settled. And then on your journey to recovery you will pick up some strength: Strength to not run back to the things that broke you; strength to overcome your worst days, realizing without shame that your struggle is real but so worth it. And in those days when the pain seems unbearable, in those days where your feet might buckle under the burden of your pain and healing heart, take a look back to get some more strength: a look back to the better days to keep you going and to keep you strong. Remind yourself of the days where you successfully kept your head out of the water, remind yourself of the days where you successfully weathered some of the most violent storms designed to break even the strongest of us all.


Being a savage doesn’t mend a broken heart. Time does. Time and little bit of faith alongside with a dash of hope. We are all a little crooked and broken, but baby that’s how the light gets in. We are all a little broken in our very own ways but that how we learn, that’s how we grow.

-Excerpt from a memoir I will never write #5

Little Worrier Notes

“Worrying won’t stop the bad stuff from happening. It just stops you from enjoying the good.”

Sometimes I can’t help it. I can’t help it but be worried. I can’t help it but try to know what is coming next.

It can be crippling you know… Being a control freak: not be able to let things follow their natural course because there is always that fear creeping up on me.

That fear of things not going according to the plan because if it doesn’t happen the way it should then everything built around it falls apart.

***

It is like being a kid in a sense: like how I used to get on the tip of my toes to see over the counter what I was getting for lunch because I just couldn’t give it a rest.

It is kind of the same except that now, the anxiety is at a much bigger scale and Lord… some days… some days it is just hard to just stop thinking so much.

Yes there are days where all I want is to pump the break and remind myself to be right here, right now.

 There are days where all I want is for my mind to catch a break and for my heart to just not be constantly pounding because I can’t help but wonder what the next big thing will be or what else will go wrong or who else am I going to have to rescue.

***

Sometimes it’s just hard to just be right here, right now

Because all I can seem to hold on to is a thread made of “what ifs” and “shoulds” and “mights”

And oh my Lord… Some days it is just exhausting.

It is because it seems like behind every question mark, a heartbreak is hiding

And some days it feels like who I am is not enough to bear my worries, anxieties and fears that, at times, seem too overwhelming to overcome.

But then I remember that I don’t have to do all of that: I just need to take one step and rely on God for the next ones.

I just need to take one step and trust that if I fall there is someone who is there, always has been and always will be, to catch me.

***

And so when it is hard to be right here, right now, every now and then,

I will remind myself to pump the break and look around, be grateful for what I have

And trust that everything shall come to be in due time.

And so be it.

Peace From Broken Pieces : Review And Takeway

Welcome back to a new article and to this new segment in the blog I am trying to incorporate, hopefully being faithful to it to the best of my abilities. In this new segment I will present some of the books I have read and do a review/ give my impression of them. The first book I wanted to introduce this segment with is Peace From Broken Pieces: How To Get Through What You Are Going Through by Iyanla Vanzant.

 

In her book Iyanla shares her story, inviting people to know the truth of who she really is. She shares the raw and honest truth about her struggles from childhood to adulthood. She talks about her experience as a daddyless daughter and the dysfunction in the households she grew up in which later perspired into her decisions as an adult. She reveals to the world the patterns she went through in life, opened up about her insecurities, her highs, her lows and her rock bottom. But beyond all that and the heartbreak from losing a multimillion contract/ show, her house, her marriage, but most importantly her daughter, she also talked about the things that got her through when the going got tough and seemed almost impossible. She offered her story as a mirror to all the people going through some things so that we could look at ourselves through her and identify our own patterns and break them, figure out what the pathologies we have inherited are and avoid passing them to our children, use her story to understand how some of the decisions we make and the actions that we take consciously or subconsciously are nothing but the reflection of our inner thoughts and the part of us we cannot or do not want to see.

As per the title, I would put this book in the self-help/ self development category. It is definitely the one your want to grab and read in the midst of a breakdown if you are in need of answers and intentional about finding them and about the journey to find those answers. If it is the case for you, I absolutely recommend this book to you. Although I would say that this is not a book for everybody, you could get your hands on it and read it if you are curious and you feel like you could use more knowledge/ tools to navigate the shallow waters of life. Overall the story is well written but as she go goes back and forth in her story, it can get little bit hard to follow at times. The beginning for me seemed a little bit slow but once I passed the slump of the first chapter, things started to pick up and make more sense as the story unfolds itself. This book was  a major eye opener for me and definitely provided me with some of the tools I needed to get through some of my toughest moments so without further due, here are the top five lessons I took away from this book.  

1- Look for the lessons and take it with gratitude

I always say that everything happens for a reason but in this book, she talked about how upon coming to this earth, each of us as a soul have a defined curriculum designed by God and that every people, situation we encounter plays a particular role in the assimilation of the skills and lessons we need to live life successfully. It made me look at life differently: it made me stop asking myself why me? And start asking where is the lesson? what do I need to learn or master to move on? And I can tell you it made a huge difference in my attitude and approach to certain situations because once I started seeing the lessons behind the situations I became grateful for the knowledge I have acquired that would ultimately allow me to make better choices and take better decisions.


2- Pay attention to what is happening: recognize the patterns and the pathologies

We live in a society that goes so fast that we do not take time to pause and see things, listen to things and pay attention. We are constantly surrounded by noise, by a thousand things we feel like we have to do to get busy. We keep on repeating the same patterns because deep down we don’t pay attention. When I got to that part of the book I had to pause and take a nap. I had to because in matter of seconds I had an ahah! Moment but not the kind that makes you jump all over the place and be happy. It is the eye opener one where you kind of go :"this is what I have been doing all this time!". But it doesn’t stop there! She doesn’t just stop at helping you see the patterns and pathologies: she helps you debunk them and shift things around. I won't tell you how: you've got to read the book 😉

3- Recognize the role you play in the patterns

One thing that I strongly believe in is that we always have the choice and recreating patterns is one of those areas where we have the choice. Patterns happen because either consciously or subconsciously, we participate in them. By the thoughts we have that translates into our actions, our words or our behavior, we either actively (by playing an active role in making them happen) or passively (by allowing them to exist) engage in recreating patterns we have either learned on our own from personal experiences or being exposed to early in life or simply been passed down as an inheritance (subconscious beliefs, thoughts, affirmations but mostly cultural baggage). Only when you recognize the patterns you can take steps and actions to correct them.


4- Find out where it comes from

Iyanla in her book, describes how her dysfunctional relationship with her father shaped all the relationships she had with man: how the lack of love and affection, the things she had seen growing up in the household she had been in shaped heavily her experience with men. And this is where some things for me started to make sense: this is how I started digging deeper than just the behavior, just the words and just what I think I see. I am one of those person believing that we attract who we are and the things that we are. So no matter how much we try to convince ourselves we are something else, our true nature will show in the interactions that we have and in the people we are around. As Iyanla said (and she says that a lot), the people that we attract in our life reflect some parts of ourselves that are in the shadows. Some parts we cannot not see or that we keep hidden. So if you say you are fine and keep attracting broken men what does that say about you? If you keep attracting emotionally unavailable men what does it say about you? If you keep on letting people abuse you, your trust, disrespect you what does that say about yourself and the relationship you have with your own self? Every relationship is a direct reflection of the relationship with have with our own self and will be to some extend dictated by the previous experiences we have had in the past. So the key to breaking patterns and stopping pathologies is finding where they originate from and correct the belief/ thoughts that we keep feeding ourselves in order to keep the patterns/ pathologies alive.


5- Have your best interests at heart

By not having your best interests at heart, you teach people that it is okay for them to treat you the way they want to and I have learnt this one the hard way. It has nothing with being selfish: it has to do with being clear about what you want, will or will not do, accept and/or tolerate. It has to do with being honest with yourself and others by asking what you want and if you do not get it, decide if it will serve your best interests or not to engage in any type of experience that is outside of what you know/ want. Having your best interests at heart is understanding that you cannot pour from an empty cup and that to be able to pour into other you have to refuel, care for yourself and your soul. You have to do what you think is best for you. After years of putting people before me and catering to their needs and happiness before mine, deciding to do things the other way around made me feel weird and guilty at times, but I had to understand that if I do not have my best interests at heart, nobody else will. I have lost a lot of people along the way, fighting to keep my best interests at heart but you know what? I found myself and to me nothing is more important at this stage of my life.

I am sure there are many more lessons but these are the ones that make the foundations of my life shake and shifted my perspective/ outlook / comprehension of what life is vs. what it is supposed to be.
Overall, I'd rate that book  ⭐⭐⭐⭐/ 5 , the last star being knocked out because the story got a little difficult to follow at times. Other than that, I would definitely recommend if you are on a journey to find yourself and find answers to questions you can't seem to shake off.

Peace From Broken Pieces: How To Get Through What You Are Going Through by Iyanla Vanzant is available as a hard cover, paperback, audiobook and pdf. All you have to do is type “Peace From Broken Pieces” on google and you will find it! I hope you will enjoy reading this book as much as you had fun reading this article. And if you ever read it or have read it, please feel free to share your thoughts.

See you next time and until then, “stay in peace, not in pieces”
xo