Broke And Addicted

Welcome back to another article, one that I hope you can resonate with (you know I keep it real!). I still don’t have the magic formula for a one size fits all opening act for my articles. What a bummer… I know right? But really who needs something generic when you can have something special and extraordinary? Still working on delivering the extraordinary and when I successfully figure out how to make it happen, you’ll be the first person to know (I guarantee you!!!!) 

Too much talk and not enough time to say all I have to say and considering that time is money, I will get straight to the heart of my post: Money!!!!! I used to tell my sister that “money is just paper” but it is ironic how not having “paper” in your bank account or your wallet can make you go from happy to depressive as soon as you open your mailbox.

Hit me with the Rosé before I get the blues…

I feel like there is some sort of vortex where my money disappears as soon as I get paid! It’s like playing hide and seek with my paycheck except that once my money hides it’s all gone and I think I have gotten sick of that game. So I stopped playing… And consolidating my checkbook and bank account because quite franckly it is boring and the sight of how much money I spend on things that do not make me happy and do not go on display in my closet depress me even more. I was just tired of being jumped trying to live life as an adult.

current situation

So… I took another approach on money which I must admit put me in a much worse position: I started shopping and treating myself as many times as I can afford to. And one thing I can say about that is that it doesn’t happen often enough. However when it happens I am like an addict in a crackhouse. My debit card is on fire and my bank account drowning. Sounds familiar? You bet it does! I am not a heavy shopper but I enjoy quality things you know… staples a.k.a designer. And when I say designer, it is designer everything: clothes, bags, shoes, wallets, watches… And “OMG! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!” is literally the question I ask myself once the adrenaline from swiping my card and unboxing all I have paid is all settled down.

Me... After every single purchase I make, the most recent being a bag... Although the regrets lasted about 5 min... yeah whatever...

I do tend to think that I am in a toxic relationship with money and shopping and although it has gotten better with the years there are still relapse moments that do more damage than one swipe a week I swear… Know that say that goes by “don’t go grocery shopping when you are hungry”? well here is a better one “ Don’t go shopping when you bank account is loaded”… I mean if you work you butt off like me but you’re still finding yourself drowning under bills and want a break from the ridiculous overdraft fees charged by your bank then this is the advice for you; but if you are rich please ignore that suggestion (and *maybe* you can send some “paper” my way acknowledging you have indeed “ignored” my suggestion… no? well at least I tried).

I feel like for me shopping on a full bank account gives me a freedom that I don’t have in reality. It is just a delusional moment like being on bad acid where you feel like you’re invincible but the minute you go home and open your mailbox the monologue between your inner rich self and your in-reality broke self is on and about to go on until your next pay period. And this is not even the worst part! Hold on it gets worst! The worst part is the idea of looking all cute in all those designer stuff you bought but you can’t wear it because you can’t go out because you are broke!!! Ironic right? I know… I live that irony everyday…If I was getting a dollar every time I was broke I’d probably be a millionaire and of course my sister would be a billionaire… I’ll let that one sink for a minute…

If only scrap paper could turn into money or if we could live off monopoly bills and turn them into IOUs… But who am I kidding.. Life is not a wish granting factory…Well at least payday is coming so let’s toast to more bills and an even bigger monologue because my account is about to be loaded and we all know what that means…

Pretty sure maxing out my card comes first... So if you will excuse me... There is a ridiculous amount of designer goods waiting for me...

A Heartfelt Open Letter To My Seventeen Years Old Self

Sometimes I think about my life and how it has turned. And like I always say, “It hasn’t turned the way I thought it would and how I wanted it to but I’m okay with it” because no matter how messed up my life was sometimes, I have learned many things that shaped me, my character and made me who I am today and in a sense, I am proud of that. I wish back then I had the knowledge and insight I had on life now but what good would it have done to me? Sure, I wouldn’t have made some of the mistakes I made but isn’t the purpose of life to learn through trials and errors? Well... I surely did. Because 99% of the decisions we make stem  from (or are influenced by) the internet (thanks Google) I thought I would put the little knowledge and insignificant insight I have gained on life to use and somehow help somebody out there, looking for the answers I didn’t have growing up; answers I had to figure out on my own, most of the time the wrong and hardest way. So if I had to write a letter to my 17 years old self, this is what I would say….

Dear seventeen years old self,

Let me start by giving you a great advice I wish I had considered back then: enjoy our high school years, enjoy your college years because these will be the most amazing years of your life. Don’t rush to get to adulthood just because you believe it rhymes with freedom. I am here now and I can guarantee you it is nothing like what you are envisioning so don’t rush. Enjoy the long days doing nothing, enjoy the chance you have of living life without any liabilities because once you become an adult that’s all you will get: Liabilities. Enjoy the friendships you are forming right now and nurture them because some of them will give birth to the strongest sisterhood bonds you had never imagined, bonds that are almost stronger than the one that links you to your siblings.

I know right now you are telling yourself that your life sucks. You are trying to recover from that huge heartbreak that shattered your heart into pieces. You are laying down awake all night wondering if you will ever get over it. Wondering if one day you will be able to smile again, to love again, to think about him without crying uncontrollably. And let me tell you, you will. I know it sounds silly right now because you feel like you are losing you mind but you will. I know it is hard because you thought he was your forever and that you would make it to the happily ever after and all of the sudden, your dream turned into a nightmare and you can’t seem to be able to wake up. It sucks I know… But you will get over it. Why? Because you are strong, you just don’t know it yet. You will get back on your feet because you are resilient and because great things await for you ahead.

                                                                                                                                                               

My Scars tell a story. They are a reminder of times when life tried to break me but failed.

They are markings of where the structure of my character was welded. 

 Steve Maraboli

                                                                                                                                                              

And as tempting as it sounds to jump into a new relationship to forget about your heartache, I will give you an advice contrary to the popular opinion: don’t do it. Give yourself time to heal. Don’t hide your emotions by diving head first into work, don’t hide your emotions by secluding yourself into a castle of ice, pretending nothing hurt. It will destroy you and kill you from the inside. And believe me there is nothing sadder than to live life when you are dead on the inside. Be honest about your feelings. Don’t shut down when you are hurt and have issues. I know it is what life seems to be teaching you right know because of all the betrayal you are experiencing right now. You feel like you cannot trust anybody and that the entire world is against you. But you have to find the courage to open up and speak up about how you feel. That the only way you will heal, that is the only way you will make it alive and sane.

If you have to scream and cry for the world to hear how desperate you are do it. Silence is never an option. Cutting yourself is never an option. Drinking to the point where you pass out is not an option. The pain will be back again tomorrow and I don’t want you to get caught up in a vicious cycle that will slowly lead you to the grave. You are smart, loving, caring and full of potential. Don’t let what you are going through today be a good enough reason to turn off the light and give up on the future. Things will get better, I promise you. Yes sometimes you will feel like you don’t really know what you are doing, you will mess up quite a few times around but it’s okay. See, being adult is like looking left and right for incoming car in an attempt to not get ran over but then you get hit by a plane. I know… It sounds horrible but the good news is that one day you will stand in a place where you will turn your mess into a message and if that doesn’t cheer you up well, I don’t know what else will. Will you ever meet the Mr right? You will… But unfortunately it will be the wrong timing. Your head will be too full of dreams and ambitions, he won’t understand how driven you are and you won’t understand how passionate and in love he is and how you not being there for him is crushing his soul. But then, you putting a cross on your dreams will not be an option so you will leave, heartbroken, but still hoping that he will find someone able to love him and be there for him in ways you couldn’t.

                                                                                                                        

We had the right love at the bad time

                                                                                                                            

Moving through life, you will reach a point where people will constantly judge you and try to change you. Don’t follow. Always remember that you have never been a follower and never will be (I know I am the future you). Do you and live your life. A lot of people will leave your life for that reason, because you don’t fit the ideal they had of you and you don't fit into their mold. You will also burn a lot of bridges which now seem to mean a lot to you but down the road will end up being dead ends that will lead you to the same hurts, tears, resentment and angers. Some of them will be very hard to burn but you will thank yourself for doing it. Despite all you will be going through you will still have a heart to love and care even for the people who hurt you. Why? Because this is who you are and nothing/ nobody can change it.

I know right now you think your parents are annoying but trust me…. Years go by fast and people are not eternal... You will realize it the hard way. Love them while you still can and don’t spend a day without being grateful for them. They are going above and beyond what they can do to give you a bright future and the least you can do is to be appreciative for that. And to be honest, even though you are not the worst kid to raise, you are not the easiest either and for that, you must give them credit.

                                                                                                                                                              

Love your parents. We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old

                                                                                                                                                             

I will end my letter by giving you the greatest advice of all time I had to find out on my own and it was an epiphany that led me to living a better life. Life is not perfect but it is what it is. take one day at the time and enjoy every single second of it. Always see the positive in the negative and let nothing/ no one steal/ kill your joy. At some point you will spend life in your own corner: don’t be afraid to spend time with yourself. Get to know yourself and learn to be happy and content being by yourself. Understand that happiness is an inside job and you are the one in charge of your own happiness. Never let somebody convince you of the contrary. You cannot know the answers to all the question you have in life or about your future, but as long as you remain attached to the Lord and trust His word and His plan for you, you will make it safely to where you are meant to be. Great things awaits for your miss, and believe me they are worth everything you are going through right now. When things will get unbearable get to your knees and pray and remember in the midst of trials and persecution that “this too shall pass”.

So be courageous and strong my love because things get better and I promise you, they will.

Much love,

Your twenty-five years old self.

From The Mud To The Glory: The Victory of the Queen and The Disgrace of Becky With The Good Hair

It has been a minute since I have been here and I am more than happy to be back. For some reasons - reasons I  know nothing about- I can't seem to find a one size fits all magic formula that works when it comes to opening my articles and blow your mind beyond imagination. On the other hand,  I can't seem to familiarize myself with the good ol' and generic "hi people! I hope you are doing fine! today we will be talking about... blah blah blah". So I will get straight to the point hoping you will keep reading anyway...

So a lot of things have been happening lately and among them I recently hit the quarter of century milestone (yes I know...). I thought about writing things I have learnt as I got older but then I changed my mind. Instead, I decided to talk about something more meaningful, something which has made the headlines of the news in the African community and been the major topic of gossip among the community. If you haven't guessed it yet, it is the wedding (religious) of Eto'o and his wife Georgette. Once again, if you have followed the actuality regarding this couple, you would understand why them taking their mariage to this next step is such a big deal.

Eto's fils and his wife Georgette at their wedding, celebrated by the pope Francois Ier 🎆🎊🎉

At the age where all the hormones start to kick in, the desire to find a soulmate and start a family becomes an obsession, I tried to understand why Georgette decided to salvage her marriage and give it a second chance. I wanted to understand why, in a midst of a generation that throws away anything that fails to work according to the plan, she decided to stay and even agreed to engage in holy matrimony. And even though some people seem to put forth the money as the main reason why she stayed, the most obvious one to me is love. Why? because Eto'o admitted that when they both started dating, she was the one bringing the bacon on the table and that I quote " He was an amateur soccer player that no club wanted to sign". So truly money has never been an issue for her and it certainly isn't now. But why would love be the most obvious reason? Let's look at the definition of love according to the Bible:

Now I don't know if Georgette is a christian but the love she displays is along the line of what was said a little higher. Only someone that loves you form the type of love that was aforementioned can overlook the hurt and humiliation she was put through. Only some that loves you from such a pure love can decide to forgive and continue the walk she has started years ago with the man she wanted to grow old with. And it can only  make sense because they have a history together, a commitment to pick each other up whenever one of them falls. She could have judged him, condemned him, expose him in ways only women knows how to do but she didn't. She could have stood with the popular opinion but she didn't. She stood in silence, protected the honor of her husband despite hers being thrown into the mud. She protected her husband and showed the perseverance of her love by walking through the aisle to join her husband in holy matrimony before men and before God. 

Not every woman would tolerate a cheating man let alone stay with him and take their marriage to the House of the Lord (hellu'r?!). This show another trait that only pure love can display and this trait is trust. You cannot decide to take your marriage before God if you don't trust the person you are walking with to take care of your heart and your feelings. Moreover, she stayed because she decided to forgive; she displayed a will to move past the wrong her husband did her and look at all the things he did right.

Rita Thornton- The Vow

She decided to look past her husband's flaws, imperfections and mistakes because the truth is we are all humans and we all make mistakes; nobody is immune to it and God forbid we find ourselves in the position Samuel found himself in because as inflexible, unforgiving as we are, we will probably be denied the compassion we refuse to show others.

A marriage is made of many things and mistakes are part of it. And so is forgiveness. Maybe the reason why people don't seem to understand her choice is because of their inability to forgive. Or perhaps, it is because the quality of the love they are giving for true love has the power and capacity to overcome the most difficult hurdles relationships and marriages are tested through.

As I have reached the age where I am ready to settle down and getting comfortable with the idea of spending the rest of my life with somebody else, I can only salute the bravado of Georgette and the slap she put in the face of Becky with the good hair. I can only salute the attitude of Queen she had and the classy way she handled things and proved people wrong by not leaving. One thing I took away from all that is that true love is not dead and that as long as there is still a will to make things work and carry through, people's opinion doesn't matter.

Long live to the Eto'o couple and may the haters keep on hating!

Cheers!