"The 7 Rules of Life" mini-series: Some things are meant to happen but not to last

Just like a year is marked by different seasons, our lives too are marked by different seasons and each one of these seasons in an individual life is an opportunity to grow, reinvent him/herself and write a new story. With each season most of the time comes different people, each bringing something different, something we specifically need at that very moment they enter our lives. And even though some of those people are in our lives only for a season, we can't help but get attached to them: we get obsessed by the idea that maybe they will stay forever. We start making plans hoping they will stick around for a life time, only to witness months or years down the road things falling apart. In a little as few months or a years, our relationships with certain people that meant so much to us go from best friends or lovers to total strangers.

And of course we are hurt. of course we are heart broken and feel betrayed by those people we thought would be our forever. I have felt that way on so many occasions but this is only because we failed to acknowledge that some of those people were not meant to be around forever. There were times where I refused to let go of some people but eventually I had to because the more I was trying to hold on to them, the more things were falling apart and the more I was losing myself and my peace of mind. I couldn't afford that ...

Seasons come and go and so do seasonal people. No matter how bad you would like the summer to last all year long (speaking of us people living in the coldest places of the world), it's going to end and winter is going to come a some point. The same is true of seasonal people: once their season in your life is over, they will leave and no matter how hard you try to hold on to them, you will only delay their departure but won't prevent it.

One thing you have to understand is that it has nothing to do with you or the fact that you didn't do enough to keep them from leaving. They had a purpose to fulfill in your life. They did what they had to do and now they are just pursuing their path of life. You need to understand that some things in life are meant to happen but not to last. Whenever a friendship or a relationship ends it hurts; getting over it is a painful and heartbreaking process that is sometimes necessary for us to grow and start another season of our lives.

As a year new year is about to start (thus probably marking a new season in your life), I want you to realize through this last article of "The 7 Rules of Life" mini-series that not all the people you started your journey with will walk the walk with you. Some people are meant to enter our lives, mark it forever either by the value they add to it or by the lessons they teach us and just leave.  And as hard as it can sometimes be, you need to be able to carry on with your life keeping close to your heart the good memories, the values they added to your life and the lessons learnt from their brief passage in your life.

I hope this mini-series theme did you good and that you found in it some helpful tools to carry on with life and make great things happen. I wish you a happy and blessed new year and may 2016 be the year you make your dreams come true because.

"The 7 Rules of Life" mini-series: Find your own wings and fly- You owe it to yourself

I was scrolling down my Facebook newsfeed a while ago and I stumbled upon the status update of a girl that I somewhat know where she complained about the fact that beside a few people that she knows, everybody else from our home country Cote d'Ivoire is only vlogging about men-women relationship. And the funniest thing is that, just like her, I’m wondering what is it about that obsession with relationship everybody seems to be developing right now?? And believe me when I say I’m not trying to be a jerk right here but I’m just like… am I missing something? Before you start throwing sticks and stones at me let me make a disclaimer: I am talking from my personal opinion and personal experience and you are free to agree or disagree with what I am about to say. So hold off your guns and read first. Then maybe after that we can start throwing sinks at each other.

The reason why so many people are bitter, sad, angry and get stuck on past relationships is in my opinion because they haven’t come yet to the realization that a relationship is a part of a life and not an entire life. People have gotten into the habit of being depend on relationships for their own happiness. They have grown into the habit of measuring their self-worth and self-esteem to the ability they have to be in a relationship with somebody. They live in a bubble where their significant other along with their relationship is their all. And then when everything fall apart they have nothing to fall back on because the relationship was a win or lose bet in which they dived head first. We have all been there at some point and for most of us our heart, self worth, self esteem has taken a HUGE toll because we were left with nothing that made us fell worthy when it all ended.

Speaking from my personal experience, I have come to understand from the long period of time I spent being single that there is a life to be lived and that life is an ensemble of multiple things, each taking a big or small place of our lives. I have grown to understand that there is a difference between having an aversion for commitment and a fear of confinement. The reason why I find it so difficult and complicated now to be in a relationship is that I have found myself confronted to confinement. I have dreams, ambitions, hopes and I cannot settle in with somebody who cannot understand that and support me. Why? Because I am not ready to give up on all that and lock myself up into something that might fall apart one day. It’s not being selfish… It’s understanding that I still have a long road ahead and the journey is far from being over, and as much as I would love to have company during my journey, I’m not ready to bailout on what I hold close to  my heart.  I do believe that everything in life is a matter of balance (which I am obviously not very good at the moment but I’m working on it) : people need to understand that they are sharing their life with someone, not making someone their life. It is important because in the event a relationship falls apart, you know that you still have something to fall back on and your life still has a meaning.

I have grown and learned a lot from being single. I have learned to be happy and content with myself. I have come to the understanding that my happiness, self-worth, well-being and self-esteem are not determined by my ability to be in a relationship. They have nothing to do with whether or not I am in a relationship. They are independent from each other. I get to determine my self-worth and self-esteem value, I am in charge of creating my own happiness. Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not saying I’m against relationship and that being single is the way to live life. I am just saying that there are a few things being single can teach you about life and about the way you might want to handle your next relationship. It is time to find your own wings and fly. Stop depending on people to validate you; stop relying on people’s compliments to feed your self-esteem because when those compliments stop, your self-esteem will eventually die from starvation. Break your dependence on relationships for happiness and learn to be happy on your own because if you don't know how to be happy by yourself, you won't know how to be happy when you are taken. Yes it is hard at the beginning but you will find a way whether it's through traveling, working, praying, making a change in your life, pursuing your dreams, ambitions or working on yourself; just do what makes you happy without necessarily involving other people's validation. Find self-fulfillment, validation and accomplishment within yourself. Find your own wings and fly because after so many years of being down and not being appreciated you owe it to yourself.