Finding mr Right: few things you first need to get right

“The right man will love all the things about you that the wrong one was intimidated by.” Unknown

I was trying to find a way to open this article and I thought a quote would be more original than my usual rhetorical questions (especially after one week without an article... I had some technical problems. sorry guys).
Finding the right man… it can be such a hassle especially when you are dating. Most of the time, with the years passing and as you become used to it you can find the right one. You can (possibility) but again with some people it might take longer and turn out to be very frustrating.

Having a parade of men entering and exiting your life like a runway is not something you can be cool about especially when time is not on your side and that you really are eager to have someone nice to settle with. yes I named it “settle”! there is a time where it is a real fun to have a “break up to make up” relationship (although for some of us who are really focusing on trying to establish something you know… more stable it can be very disturbing). But passed that period, you need to grow up and keep on moving on with your life. You graduate from H.S, go to college. Then you graduate from college, find a nice job, end up having a wonderful career. And one day, you reconnect with some friends from college and/or H.S and you realize that ¼ of them are married, ½ are in a serious (very serious) relationship, 1/8  are engaged and the other 1/8 are  still going wild (Y.O.L.O.  I guess…).

At this very moment you realize that you have almost everything you have ever wanted but you are missing the big thing in the picture: that very person you would love to share all you joys, doubts, achievements and memorable moments with. That person you could go to at the end of the day that can cheer you up when your boss has been a tiny bit too bossy, or when you got only shit out of your day. That person you could love unconditionally and open your heart to because your are not afraid of letting him see the real you. Instead, you keep on dating those lame guys, those losers that keep on coming in, get what they want and leave you with nothing but a broken heart. If not them, you get the ones that don’t even know what they want beside “keep it cool” with you. Really? You need to stop doing that to yourself.

You need to go out with your group of emotionally-successful-in-relationship friends and see them happy. Then go back to your house and think of that night out with them as a serious kick in your butt and a wakeup call to start fixing your silly love life. Once you do that, sit down and have a serious and honest talk with yourself. What type of man do you want in your life? Why is it that you are always ending up with the wrong guys? Why is it that you are always being dumped and always getting your heart broken? What type of relationship you are looking for? You have to figure this out first before the next time you go out on a date with some stranger adding up to your  parade (unless you are not tired of constantly being emotionally bruised and have your heart crushed then you are welcomed to go ahead and jump in head first).

You don’t want a boy that thinks that being in a relationship is a game and that everytime he breaks a woman’s heart and wins her back again gives him extra points. You don’t want a guy that will mock your principles and belittle you or emotionally force you to put his little ego before your happiness. Neither do you want or need, someone who does not have enough space in his life to let you in except when he is home, alone, bored and looking for someone to spend the night with. You don’t need and you don’t want to make yourself go through that much sorrows and inflict more damage than you have already had to your self-esteem. You want and need a man that will love you the way you are, that will understand your principles and abide by your standards to help you become a better person. You need a man that will stand for you and fight for you when he needs to and not walk away like a wimp at the first sign of adversity, giving ridiculous excuses. You need someone that will Profess, Provide and Protect you no matter what challenges that will come in. You need someone that will respect you and your values and you need yourself to step up for what you believe in. if he does not agree with your terms, don’t be afraid to let him know that he is free to walk away. You need a man in your life, not a boy because no matter what happens, at the end of the day “Boys shack, MEN build homes”

As this is my last article before going on a well-deserved vacation, I want you to think about all that. Consider what has been said and keep what you think is good and helpful for you to move on and find the right MAN for you. Be true to yourself and let the other people see that, don’t be afraid to let that one guy go if you feel like deep inside he is not the right one for you because somewhere out there is a man ready to commit to you and waiting to make you happy. Don’t spit on that.

Smile and be happy J see you in back in September.

Did you know that?

Women alwaaaaaays complain about how some men are just not relationship material: not involved enough, not communicating, bad listeners, bad at remembering important dates and being spontaneous. Well ladies, as hard as it seems for you to believe it men do know how to love, they are capable of loving and being passionate in relationships. The problem is that women and men love each other in a different ways. Therefore, there are many things that women need to understand about men in order to have successful relationships and stop complaining for nothing.

First thing is that men are passive listeners. Women when they usually talk with each other have some cues that let the speaker know they are listening: eye contact, nodding, verbal responses. Well men are just not like that. He could be reading the newspaper and actually be listening to you for real (or not if it has been the thousandth time you are talking about the same topic or he could be listening to you and just have the newspaper open to make you feel like he is not). Or he might be listening to you but he won't nod or talk while you are talking because well... YOU ARE TALKING! On top of it men are not that good at communicating about the way they feel about you or your relationship unless they HAVE TO. They have to go fish/dig in that part of their soul none has access to except God (and them of course!) and they just HATE doing that because it makes them feel vulnerable. I am sure no man on this earth likes being vulnerable. If you know one holla at me I want to meet him.

This leads us to the second fact, men do not know how to multitask. Multitasking is something encoded only in the DNA of women. Do not expect your men to be watching over the kids and the dish you put in the oven while you are answering a call AND doing the laundry. Men do not have a clue (most of the time) about how to multitask. They know how to do one thing at the time and most men do it well so that you can be proud of them.

Moving tothe next fact: man appreciate when you say nice stuff to them when they do things to make you happy (but most likely to impress you... Let's keep it real here). It seems like nothing to you but it is a big deal for men. They have something called EGO that needs to be flatter frequently in order for them to feel like they are being useful in your life. It is also useful for them to feel like they are in control but mostly do keep doing those things you like because they know they will get a reward and they are feeling fn awesome about it.

This brings us to another fact: men are awfully bad at guessing things. Like seriously i had a friend once saying :" I really like that girl but maaaan... She confuses me like hell. I never know what to say, what to do because i don't want to mess up things between us. So guess what... i just don't do nothing". Men do not read minds ladies, if you don't say it they will never know it. Very few are good at following hints and being spontaneous from there but the vast majority is just clueless. I am not saying you need to tell everything you like to a guy after the first date but just give him enough for him to go from there and be spontaneous once in a while. You like something, tell him. You don't speak it (don' YELL it). You are mad, there is obvioulsy something wrong with you, he asks :"is everything okay?" You reply "yes". Well don't expect him to chase you and hammer you with questions. You said you were okay, he moves onto doing whatever he has been up to until that moment you showed up at his place with that muffin face.

One last thing that i think women need to know about men is that they are problem solvers. They don't talk about it over and over like women do. You come to him with a problem he tries as hard as he can to provide you with a solution. That girl was wearing the same outfit as you at that party yesterday? Don't wear it anymore. Period.  Simple as good morning. If you are not looking for a solution don't talk about that with him. If you are not satisfy by the option given just have some mercy on him and change the topic. For his sake and for your own sake too before you get frustrated over an argument about an outfit that shouldn’t have existed.

I am sure there are many other things that the ladies out there need to know about men to have/ maintain a great and dynamic relationship with them but those are the one I could think of on the top of my head. So pleaaaase ladies, be aware of the fact that love to your eyes does not always look the same and doesn't not always have the same implications to men. Don't overcomplicate it: making things simple is one important key in finding happiness. Let the rain be over and the sun shine again. I can feel love in the air so smile and be happy!

 

“Men aren't really complicated, Ana, honey. They are very simple, literal creatures. They usually mean what they say. And we spend hours trying to analyze what they've said - when really it's obvious. If I were you, I'd take him literally. That might help.” - E.L James