Story of a journey... In music

Like most of the human being on the surface of the earth, I too have happened to fall under the power of music. The kind of power that involves music talking to your soul and touching it the way no word, no matter how magnificent it is, would. Over this past 2 years my music taste has varied according to the fluctuation of my emotions. In each of the melodies I have come across during this time, I have found a magic which is specific to each one of them. Each of these songs have spoken to my soul in various ways and have made me rediscovered that human side of me which over the years deceptions and the insulting and almost pathetic hypocrisy of people made me repress : my emotional side.

My emotional journey started with Adele. It was an delicate and really sensitive period of my life during which I had a really hard time getting myself together. I was fragile, exhausted, looking for a shoulder to just rest my head on and feel like I could finally have a break and breathe. I wasn't particularly looking for sympathy, I wasn’t asking for any comforting word: I just wanted a shoulder to rest my head on but mostly to cry over. I wanted to find the words to express how scattered my soul and my heart were but I couldn’t find any. Then I came across “Someone like you” by Adele first by listening to a guitar cover that a good friend of mine did. I found it so beautiful, so in phase with my emotions, I wanted to listen to the original version. I went online and googled it and listened to it. When the song ended, I just felt one tear roll down my cheek and I thought she said it all… She exactly had everything right, everything I would ever want to say if I had the right words. She knew how it felt, how hurt I was at this very moment, how difficult it was to see that one person you would have gave everything for walk away without turning back.

Then there was that moment where I was just home sick. I was missing my family, my friends, my homeland. And I heard about a song called “avant qu’elle parte” from Sexion d’assaut. They are not from my home country but that song constantly reminded me of my mother, of my father and also of all of my friends who also had found this song very inspiring. It reminded me of how short life is and how important a mother is into a child’s life no matter how old he/she is. No matter what  mistakes you make, no matter how bad you turn, no matter how successful you get or how many failures you go through, a mother will always have your back, believe that there’s still some good in you, stand by your sides and be proud or encourage you to try again until you succeed. Until today I still have it on my ipod, and whenever I listen to it I remember how blessed I am to have my mother by my side.

After that I got introduced to Brazilian music starting with Michel telo’s most popular song “Ai se eu te pego”. Boy, until today that song still gets me high! You cannot listen to that song and not get carried away (except if you don’t like the artist or if you really don’t care about music at all). Some people got sick of it but to be franc I highly doubt I can ever get sick of that one. Quickly I discovered some other songs such as “Larga de bobeira”, “O amor nao e paixao”, “Fugidinha”, “Boate Azul”, “Horizonte”, “Ponto certo”. Beyond the songs, to me the themes evoked by the artist sometimes are meaningful. They are most of the time about the complexity of relationships, the illusions that make us lose sight of what true love is (or should be and mean to us), the desire to find the right person (the one who cares about you and to whom you are more than just the person they can run to when thing don’t work out). Also, they are about learning how to swallow your pride, stop the B.S when you have to and make compromises to make a relationship work. the content for me of those songs as well as the way the artist communicate with his public tells a lot about his generosity, care, kindness, accessibility and awareness of life realities. These are not made up ideas but rather well-developed impressions and opinions from interacting with the artist (Thank you N. J )

Through him, I have done the musical acquaintance (pretty recent) of Bruninho e Davi. I haven’t really listened a lot to their songs but I have two big favorites which are on my top ten list: "Proibido liberou" and "Se namorar fosse bom". I don’t have a clear perception of what the first one is about as the main point for me was that I could spend some energy jumping all over the place on that song. The second song on the other hand talks about how being committed to someone (committed meaning married) can be complicated but also how being single can have advantages as well as inconvenients. Everything shinny is not necessarily gold.

As of now, I am kind of an electron floating around different music repertories going from Train, to Gavin Degraw passing by Pink J. But I mostly remain into the Brazilian mood.

Music (after time  of course!) has proved to be one of the best remedies to heal the deepest wounds of one’s soul. So when you feel like nothing is turning right you can still put on your headphones, put one of those songs that make you feel alive, blast the volume to maximum and let the power of music lead you on the journey to emotionland.

I leave you on a video of “proibido liberou” by Bruninho e Davi. Enjoy 

Time is the best remedy

They say chocolate and ice cream are good for your heart,
They make you forget the pain when your feelings are hurt.
I guess for me the cut was deeper than what I thought;
I still have the wounds of the love battles that I fought.

I tried it for few days to drown my sorrows and kill the pain.
It showed no encouraging results except weight gain.
Then I heard that time was great a remedy

But that the healing process was different for everybody.

I remember grinning at the mention of that ultimate solution;
For in love matters, time hasn't always been for me the best option.
How was I supposed to turn the page, move on and forget all about you,

To let go of the past and build something new?
When everything I had and did here was reminding me of you,
When my heart and my soul loved you more than I knew.

But then time flew away and gave me back the joy I lost that day I saw you walk away.
I got back that happiness and peace of mind I was filled with way before you walked into my life and blew it away.

Now the storm is over and the sun is shining brighter
And I came to realize that my life without you is somewhat better.

Better than what I would have expected back then,
Happier than is has never been since then.

As you can see I am fine so no need to call on holidays or send me cards,
Just be happy wherever you are and please don't come back.

 “Only time can heal your broken heart. Just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs.”
― Jim Henson

Finding the perfect man: Women and the checklist

              One thing that I know and that is mostly true about women is that we all have THAT checklist of the qualities and the expectation we would like to find in a man. This list has been existing for centuries and is THE reference in term of what the charming prince should look like. Most guys don’t take it seriously but WE, women, consider it a serious matter as our emotional well-being depends on it. it is updated every year and the length varies from one woman to another: some lengthen it every year some other shorten it. Again it depends on your inspiration and on what you are looking for in guy. The content is also a mix of everything going from the most common “criteria” such as tall, light skinned, funny, caring, affectionate, handsome to some really unusual requirement (dimples, quiet, blue eyes, white and well aligned teeth… that one I admit is kinda weird but hey only a woman knows what can make her happy!). 

                     Every woman decides what inspires her and most importantly what the charming prince, the man of her dream should look like. But that is the problem : it is a dream, an idealization of what every man we meet should look like. That ideal we have of the man that we pray come into our lives, sweep us off our feet and make us happy ever after is most of the time the reason why we are not able to commit to a relationship. We are too busy looking for the perfect man and sometimes we miss the opportunities that life offers us to be happy. Now don’t get me wrong: I am not saying the man of your dream does not exist. I know plenty of women, and some of my friends who have found exactly what they were hoping for (well close enough). What I am saying is that the one that is wrong according to your checklist could turn out to be the one who is exactly right for your heart. He could be the one who will know  how to love you, how to take care of you, how to bring out the best in you in the most perfect ways.

                    For centuries the society we live in has been selling us that ideal: you look for the right guy and one day! Baaaam! He just shows up, he is everything you have ever looked for, he sweeps you off your feet, wants you to be his significant other, hopefully one day he proposes to you, you get the ring, the white dress, the perfect wedding and you live happily ever after.
But in true life it is not what happens, in true life that one guys doesn’t score a 100 on your checklist, he probably won’t have ½ of what you have on your checklist. But somewhere at the end of the day, you will fall for him, for what you didn’t have on your list that he brought with him into your life and into your heart.

                  I have loved three works of art so far that have been in phase with the reality of falling in love with someone. One was a book (the Cinderella deal) and the two others were movies (the wedding date and my fake fiancée). They truthfully exhibit what happens in real life: taking down clichés by about perfect match and demonstrating how the one we think is the wrong person (either because he has nothing from our checklist or because he has absolutely nothing in common with us) can turn out to be the perfect match.

So women as good as it is to have a checklist so that you can keep track of what you need for your happiness you might as well want to lift your eyes from it once in a while. Just once in a while for the sake of it and also because you never know what the man that will sweep you off your feet will look like.

" I do"

We all have had that dream at least once in our lifetime: the proposal, THE ring, the wedding. The city hall and the church: that moment where you say to your partner, in front of every single person you know (and some that you don’t even know),  “I do”.

               For us women what we think about most of the time, from the moment we get engaged to the D-day, is the white dress, the bridesmaids outfit, and the colors palette for the wedding, the number of guests, etc… not really realizing how important this next step in our lives is until we actually get married. Getting married is more than getting in a wedding dress or having a wonderful reception. It is more than the presents you receive at your wedding or the congratulations from all those who are present that day. Marriage is deeper than that: it is about spending the rest of your life with someone else. A good friend of mine used to make a joke about marriage saying: "it is the only market where the products you "buy" can neither be returned nor exchanged”. Marriage is for life and the vows pronounced should be taken seriously. 

             For decades now, we have been living in a society where giving up at the first sign of adversity or storm has been encouraged. I recently was wandering around on the internet and I saw a picture of a couple who has been married for 65 years. I was stunned… I was thinking how is it possible? How can this be? I clicked on the link to read a little bit about the secret of that long-lasting marriage and I saw a quote from an interview they did. The journalist asked them what is it that kept them together for 65 years and the answered really got me thinking. The woman said and I quote: "We were born in a time when if something was broken we would fix it, not throw it away...” (more than saying)

                    It is sad how more and more people are resigning from their responsibilities and duties to make their union work. It could be due to many reasons going from the transformation of marriage into a business market, cheating, lack of communication and trust, to the fact that people get married sometimes for the wrong reasons or divorce for the wrong reasons. Nothing is for sure. I have seen people who were married for 5 years split because they realized their marriage was not meant to be but I have also seen people who have been married for 20, 40, 50 years fill out for a divorce most of the time because “the last file” on top of the already long pile of “wrongs” made everything fall apart. It can happen to everyone and I am not judging. What I am saying is that marriage is a commitment for life, the minute you say “I do” you are conscious about what you are signing for, about the fact that there will be “better” but also “worse” and you have to get through all that and make it happen even in times where you won’t find the strength to because guess what? You have to!

“I vow to help you love life.

To always hold you with tenderness, and to have the patience that love demands.

To speak when words are needed,and to share the silence when they're not.

To agree, to disagree, on red velvet cake.

And to live within warmth of your heart, and always call it home.”

                -Paige, “The Vow”

“I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. I vow to love you, and no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find a way back to each other.”

-Leo, “The Vow”

               This is a great quote from one of my all-time favorite movie: “The vow” (great movie to watch especially with your significant other J). Long story short: Leo meets Paige, they date for a while and they get married. One day after a movie night, Paige and Leo who are on their way back home get into a car accident and Paige loses all memories of her lifetime being married to Leo. As he vowed, he tried everything to win her back and he finally does despite the fact that she never recovered her memory. For those of you who will be tempted to say it is just a movie, you need to know that it has been inspired from the story of Kim and Krickitt Carpenter. When the couple was interviewed and asked about how they got back together and manage their way through that mess, mr Carpenter said: “You make a promise before God with your wedding vows, You have to take that seriously”(Fox News). They knew that there would be days with and days without but they were ready to “hang in there” and get through this no matter what.

                  This should be a great inspiration for us in term of how deep a commitment such as getting married is as well as how solemn the vows we pronounce are. It should encourage us before we take that huge step (in which there should be no turning back) to ask us important questions such as: Am I getting married for the good reasons? Am I ready to spend the rest of my life with someone else? Am I conscious about what I am signing for by saying “I do” and am I sure about it? Because marriage is something to be taken seriously and when the celebration is going to be over, it will be only you and your partner and God (if you are a believer). If you answered yes to all that then you surely will find a way to make things work in your marriage even during the most raging storms, you will surely find “a way back to each other”. 

"I chose to stay with him for all the things that he had done right,

and not to leave for the one thing that he has done wrong.

I chose to forgive him." - Paige's Mom, The Vow.

Du nouveau pour 2013

2012 s’en est allée et voici une nouvelle année qui se ramène

Dans 90 % des cas, l’année achevée est souvent merdique, marquée par beaucoup de frustrations, de coups durs, de coup de gueule, de déceptions et j’en passe…

Mais aussi étrange que cela puisse paraitre 2012 a été de loin l’une de mes meilleures années depuis Vercingétorix

C’est vrai qu’il y a eu des moments vraiment foireux, j’ai connu des bas très bas mais il y a aussi eu des moments de gloire, j’ai fait des rencontres merveilleuses (et merdiques aussi…), j’ai vu certains rêves que je ne n’avais jamais espéré réaliser un jour, devenir réalité. Elle aura été l’année de mes plus grands moments de bonheur, de mes plus grands accomplissements.

Maintenant nous sommes en 2013, pas vraiment de nouvelles résolutions juste excitée a l’idée de découvrir chaque jour pendant douze mois ce que cette année nous réserve comme surprises (c’est sûr qu’il y en aura de très belles et j’ai hâte de les découvrir ).

Chaque nouvelle année on se dit c’est une année de changements, c’est un nouveau départ que l’on prend. On le dit, on le pense mais pour certain ça reste assez superficiel. Et même quand on se donne les moyens de créer ce changement, au bout d’un moment ça devient tellement difficile qu’on jette l’éponge. On replonge dans les mêmes frustrations,  dans le même train-train des regrets puis avant de réaliser on est déjà assis à prendre un pot avec une vieille amie nommée dépression. Pourtant on a vraiment envie de tourner la page, de panser les blessures de l’ame et du cœur,  de se débarrasser d’un passé devenu trop lourd pour enfin revivre, être heureux. On essaie tout mais c’est peine perdue, c’est l’éternel retour à la case départ. Beaucoup d’entre nous sont  certainement passés ou passent par ce moment où rien ne va plus. On essai tout pour s’en sortir, on se débat pour avancer mais il y a toujours ce pesant fardeau, ce lourd passé que l’on traine comme un boulet.

Pendant 10 années j’ai voulu tourner la page, de tout mon cœur, j’ai tout donné, tout essayé mais je n’ai jamais réussi. Ce n’est que a la veille de 2013 que j’ai compris pourquoi : j’avais la volonté mais je n’étais juste pas prête. Il y a avait trop de choses dont je n’étais pas encore prête à me détacher émotionnellement et la crainte d’expérimenter quelque chose de nouveau, d’inconnu me poussait encore plus à me raccrocher à mon passé qui lui était certain (parce que ayant déjà existé).

Après plusieurs années j’ai finalement compris ce que signifiait vraiment faire le bilan. J’ai décidé de balayer mon passé pour repartir sur de nouvelles bases ; 10 longues années de frustration, de déceptions, de tristesse, de larmes, de négativité sur lesquelles j’ai décidé de faire une croix pour avancer.

J’ai reconsidéré mon parcours pendant ces dix dernières années : mes erreurs et mes faux pas mais également ces moments de ma vie où j’ai été blessée, déçue par des personnes que j’aimais tellement et dont je n’aurai jamais remis en cause l’amitié, la loyauté et l’affection à mon égard. J’ai trouvé en moi la force de leur pardonner mais également la force de me pardonner mes propres erreurs.

C’était comme si des montagnes étaient tombées de mes épaules, je me sentais légère et pour la première fois depuis dix ans j’ai senti une paix profonde envahir mon cœur et  à ce moment-là je me suis dit : ça y est… je suis prête à aller de l’avant, à être heureuse, à reconstruire ma vie.

2013 est une toute autre année qui annonce de belles surprises et qui j’espère sera le bon moment pour vous (comme cela l’a été pour moi) de tourner la page et de repartir sur de nouvelles bases. C’est un processus assez long qui nécessite beaucoup d’efforts. La réussite de cette opération " nouveau départ " repose sur le désir d’aller de l’avant, d’avoir la conviction qu’on est prêt à le faire mais surtout sur la patience. Faites un pas après l’autre et avant que vous ne le réalisiez l’orage sera passé et dans votre vie brillera le soleil.

Bonne année 2013, souriez et soyez heureux

C'est la pour vous mon voeu