Rock the 3 A's

Here I am again after a long, very frustrating and non-productive day, adding on top of that the fact that a woman who bumped into me qualified me of a “petite person” short after apologizing

( -__-“). Then for me not to get her wrong added: “you’re very sweet; I hope you don’t get walked over by people… I’ve always wanted to be a petite person you know” with a quite nice and polite smile. I think she wanted to be friendly and make it sound adorable but really how adorable is it to say to someone “aaaawww you look like a gnome! That’s so cute” really?? Epic fail…  VDM (French equivalent for FML).

Jeez… I just realized today how hard it can be sometimes to keep your composure, look at situations with touch of optimism and just keep going on trying to make things work the right way. How much courage it demands to stay on your feet when everything brings you down to the ground, when the wind is blowing in your life putting everything upside down. How much strength it requires to accept that you failed today and tell yourself that tomorrow things might work better for you.

Life is not always easy, things don’t always turn out the way we would like them to, and surely they are not the way we would have imagined them to be. Whether it is a job loss, the death of someone close to you, your everyday struggle to get your life back together or a relationship from which you walked off with a broken, scattered heart, despite all your tries to save it, it is demands a huge strength and an enormous courage to get back on your feet and keep moving.

Most of the time when a door closes in our life, we tend to focus so much on it, hoping it didn’t close, mourning on what we lost, living in the pain of our past memories tand we tend to not see the new doors opening of us. We miss so much opportunities that could make a difference in our lives, in where we stand just because we hold on to what we have already lost, asking ourselves “what if I hadn’t turned that way?”. Well it did, it is sometimes not fair but it’s life and what you would do to make things right again and get back on your feet depends on you, on how you look at the situations you go through.

In this matter Neil Pasricha inspired me in his video talking about the 3 A's of awesome. For him living an awesome life despite all the wrongs you could encounter in your life comes down to only three words: Attitude, Awareness and Authenticity.

Attitude: how you decide to look at not so fortunate situations that happen to you: do I want to look miserable, get constantly kicked in the butt by life or you can decide to accept whatever that happened that you cannot change, get back on your feet and face your future with fierceness and optimism, believing that brighter days are still awaiting for you ahead no matter how hard it is.

Awareness: be aware of what is surrounding you, take time to stop and rediscover the world, things you used (and probably still like) like the first time you saw it. You will find out that there are more than a 1000 awesome small things such having the last piece of a cake, be the first one in a line to buy a newly released product or find a 20 dollars bill in one of your jeans’ pocket when you were desperately looking for a 5 dollar bill to get a coffee, have a good sit at the movies. These small things are there to put colors in your life when all is dark and make you want to consider that if you can stop for a minute and enjoy what you have, you will find out that you have more reasons to smile than to cry.

Authenticity: practice on the F.L.Y (First Love Yourself) motto, dare to be different and turn that you being different into something awesome! Talk about stuffs you love, get involved into conversations you enjoy, get around people you love seeing and talking to, just listen to what your heart tells you and be true to yourself.

At the end of my day I was frustrated, irritated and almost dragging myself to on my way home. But then I got home, sat at my computer desk and went through Neil's blog, I found a 1000 reasons to smile while life gave me today probably more reasons to cry and give up on my dreams. I found happiness, I found courage to stay on my feet and keep fighting my battles because they are many  things to be happy about and grateful for.

So keep in mind that a great attitude, awareness and authenticity can make a big change in your life, in where you stand today and where you will end up tomorrow. So don’t give up, keep fighting, keep believing, keep pushing until you get the awesome life you deserve. Rock those 3 A's

Make it count...

“Even if you had a thousand lives you wouldn’t be able to do everything you wanted to do because you will never have enough time”. As I am sitting and thinking about what went on in my life this past years, this quote from one of my relative keeps echoing in my head. What have I been running after those past years? How is it that today I got to the point that shut down everyone in my life, every single person I care the most about? I was talking to my best friend tonight (which  by the way I haven’t talked to in months and haven’t seen in years) and I realize how wrong it seems to me that I couldn’t talk to him, or none else and it did not bother me for so long!

I mean it’s true we all have a life, we are busy people, struggling to get out of the troubled water we might be going through at some point but should it be a reason to just isolate ourselves from the rest of the world? To forget how important, vital relationships are in our lives? Man… I have done so many things wrong but my biggest mistake is that I gave up on almost all of my friendship as well as on love (as of now… eventually I will one day find the right person for me but this is another topic). Distance, lack of time, anger, fights, silences, attitudes… I mean the list runs on and on but truly relationships are treasures we must cherish no matter what comes on our ways; no matter what the excuses for us not to stick around people we love are. We always tend to forget how important these relationships are and then by the time we realize it, well it’s too late. Every minute, second, hour, should count. I have seen so many people die around me these past years and even this past weeks: close friends, friends of my friends, relatives, and every day I wake up having that only regret: I didn’t have time to let them know how much I loved them. I was too busy with whatever I was doing; I was thinking “I can still do it tomorrow”. And you know what? Time flew, tomorrow came for me but not for them…

So much time wasted with childish disputes, misunderstandings, foolish stuffs that I  said, did that and that today I totally regret… I wish I could go back in time, take back all that trash, fix what I could have fixed and repair everything I broke. I wish I could take back each of the words I said that I know did wrong to the people I said them to.

I used to like a song titled “if tonight is my last” and today I am wondering if tonight was my last what would I do? Probably tell my friends and relatives how much I love them, I would gather them one last time and just make them feel that they count and that I was wrong to withdraw myself from their lives the way I did. I would try to fix everything I can possibly fix.

What is life without love? What is life without the people you care about? When was the last time you told someone you cared about “I love you, I really care about you and I am really blessed to have you in my life”? Whether we talk about friendship, love or even family, when was the last time you tried to fix what was broken? It doesn’t matter how hard it is to do it, it doesn’t matter how much you try and you fail you have to keep going; you have to continue to try because it is worth trying, because there is no greatest treasure than relationships.

Before I leave you on Laura Izibor’s song, I want you to try something go find someone dear to you and tell that person “ I want you to know that I really care about you, that I love you. And even though I don’t always tell you, I am really blessed to have you in my life” and give that person a big hug. Don’t say it just to say it, mean it! Let it come from the bottom of your heart. It might seem like nothing but believe me it is really important because you never know when everything might end, because life is short… too short. So make it count today!

P.S: enjoy the video <3

Raise awareness

A very unsually short article but which I HOPE will talk to the heart of each one of us.

As you probably noticed, mostly everyone has been going Pink since the beginning of the month.

why? you are probably asking yourself (right now I am talking mostly to the people having no clue L.O.L). well the answer is : Breast awareness Cancer Month!! Yeeees! October has been instituted as a National Breast Cancer Awareness Month to raise awareness and educate people about breast cancer. As the fight against cancer is still on the agenda, you can visite the following web sites to learn more about breast cancer, breast health, and the latest research developments.

I had the chance to volunteer with Avon Walk for Breast Cancer during last summer's walk in Boston and also to help the Office of Santa Barbara in getting in touch with the walkers and helping them finalizing their registration for S.B's walk. It was a wonderful experience and I was just amazed by how motivated, passionate, enthousiastic people were about that walk. It would seem like nothing for someone who is foreign to the concept of breast cancer or simply cancer but when you have lost someone because of that ugly disease, you are pushed by that desire to honor the memory of that person by fighting that battle they lost against cancer. When you know someone suffering from cancer it is a way to say we are all engaged in that battle and we have HOPE we will get through it and win it.

Every two minutes a woman is diagnosed with breast cancer and every 13 minutes a woman will die from breast cancer in the U.S. (2011 Breast Cancer Fact sheet). The kindness, perseverance and generosity of people in supporting the fight against breast cancer has played a great role in the 2011's 2.6 million breast cancer survivors miracle ( U.S Breast Cancer Statistics) .

It is possible to win the fight against cancer. Show some support: shop Pink at Pink Ribbon store, make donations, participate in walks against breast cancer and walk for those who can't.

The fight is still on and it is never too late to join.

In it to End it



Ugliness is sometimes beautiful

Most of the time people have a hard time when it comes to open up to and let all of the crap out. But why should it be that way when it is easier to share our emotions when we are happy or excited about something good?

Why is it harder to connect with people through our “negative emotions” than through our “positive emotions”?

I grew up in quite a happy environment, friends, and family. It was like living on lala land you know everything was almost perfect in “the best possible world" you can ever picture. But then at some point, I went through some troubled waters and the turmoil started. I would put on the mask of that happy person everyone thought I was and fake my perfect happiness even though I was broken from the inside. When I was alone I would let out my tears but once I was in front of people I would just pretend and well it worked quite a bit. Then my burden became heavier. I was completely absorbed in that fight against that dark and ugly side of my emotions I never really knew about. I was mobilizing all my resources in that battle that seemed to become harder with time: my strength, my time, my brain (when I could turn it on and think). I was trying everything so that I could revive my soul, just to come back to life because at this point I knew that emotionally I was dead and being dead emotionally is probably one of the hardest truth to accept and live with. It was like living in another world, I shut myself down, I wouldn’t talk to people or stay around them and fake the happiness as I used to do because I couldn’t find the strength to do so anymore. Everything inside me was screaming for help but I couldn’t say a word, my mouth would stay sealed.

I was scared and upset every time someone would come to me and say : “ are you okay? You look so distant and quiet.” I was scared because people have always seen me strong and know they would see me as a weak and vulnerable person? How would this sound like? Just the idea of people saying that I am not as strong as I looked was driving me crazy. It was a really ugly feeling I was foreign too and I was certainly not about to accept it as something normal. No it was not normal!!! No it was a shame!!!!! How could this happen to me?? Really??? Come on!! I used to fight with people stronger than me and beat them up (not every time but…). Did I really look like someone that could be all wobbly and stuff? Well I didn’t look like but I surely was that vulnerable and emotionally weak… I was thinking about ways to ease my pain, to let it out because I was just exhausted. Then I started to write… one word, two, a phrase, one sentence, and two, a story, poem. All I needed was just a piece of paper and a pen and I would do wonders. I was feeling hopeless, lost, sad, angry, desperate, vulnerable but it was amazing how from these ugly emotions I created beautiful and soul touching chef-d’oeuvre (I thought and I still think it was crap but some people actually liked it so what can I say??). It has been 7 years since I started writing and and I still am. I had a low period for a little while but I went back to my first love thanks to someone who inspired me to do so. Kind of crazy sometimes, really pushing me beyond my limits when it comes to write original stuffs, and he thinks he is the best which is not true… He is totally awesome! (Oh I am going to regret that but nevermind…). He is very demanding sometimes and I am like: “How does he want me to do that??? I don’t even know where to start from!?!” well he will make me start from crap and end up with something magnificent and meaningful to people even if it still looks like crap to me!

Writing really brought me back to life. I found the strength to let my emotions out, to get something beautiful from the ugliest emotions I had been in touch with for a long period of my life and it was definitely one of my biggest satisfaction and achievement until now.

I found the strength to open up to people I knew and to some people who were total strangers to me. I was vulnerable yes but I guess it is that part that created the connection between me and the people reading my writings. I mean look at Adele how she talks about her love misfortune and misery, how she opens up to total strangers about how she feels about her ex b.f in her song “someone like you”. It is simply touching and beautiful because yes she is vulnerable but mostly because everyone can relate to that feeling! You know how it feels and you know how much it takes to let it all out and I would give everything and love someone like that until my last breath.

Today what I wanted you to know is that it is okay to let out your emotions, to be vulnerable because it is the way you connect to other people and get closer. It is okay not to be a superhero, to get in touch with that human side of you whether is by feeling hurt, miserable, hopeless or even heartbroken…

So look away from fear and people judgments, erase that “vulnerability is ugly” stereotype, take a deep breath and get some courage and dare to let the beauty come out.

Knowing who you are by finding out who you are not

Earlier this morning I found an article online and I started to read it while trying to eventually get my work done after an entire weekend slacking and leading a revolution based on the importance to stop and find time for myself. As this article caught my attention and I got further in the reading  I was like “wait a minute… I feel like she is talking about me right now…”
The title of this article was “Becoming the person you were meant to be: where to start”  from Oprah 's website. I found it deep and as a “blogger” I wanted to share my personal insight of this article with you.

You know how when we are kids we have those delusional, big projects and life expectations that motivate us to grow older and pursue our dreams so that one day we can identify ourselves to it. I mean when I was a kid, I wanted to be a superhero and save the world… boy I wish there was a school for that but anyway…I did everything I could to get as close as I could to that ideal I had when I was a child: always trying to be the one saving the situations, fighting when someone was messing up with my siblings or a good friend, standing up for people younger or weaker than me who couldn’t defend themselves. Not that I had the strength to do so, but because that was what I wanted to identify myself to, I wanted to be a superhero and save people, save the world.

But then I grew up and everything changed. I found out that reality was different, that people changed and that my ideal of being a superhero was not matching what my life was looking like as the years passed: a total mess.
I wasn’t able to know where I wanted to go, what I wanted to become at some point because I didn’t know who I was anymore! People were expecting me to be strong, to behave, to act like people of my age, of my gender. They just expected me to be like anyone should be: close to perfection. And I fell for that!! I caught myself living for what people wanted me to be and not actually for what I wanted to be and become for my own very, sacred and selfish happiness (yes I just said that: own very, sacred and selfish!!!!)

I had changed inside but people still saw me the same way they used to see me when I was a kid because I didn’t show them I had changed!  I didn’t want them to judge the new me, I was afraid of people being judgmental. I was trying to find all kind of excuses to delay the emergence of that new me. However, deep inside I knew the very reason I was doing that: I was afraid because I didn’t know what was hiding behind all those changes. Which battles I would have to get into? Which challenges I would have to face? Deep inside I knew I wasn’t that strong kid I used to be, that would stand up for people I cared about. So then where would I find the strength to let all those secret changes come out and how would this affect the image people had of me?

Well one day I was just tired of living in the skin of that almost-perfect personage my environment created for me, offered me and which I accepted saying “thank you” with a large, perfect, nice and polite smile (because once again it is what they expected me to do and I did it because I thought it was the way it was supposed to be).  So I decided to make a change: I would try something GOOD (emphasis on GOOD), not necessarily conventional, and compare it to something in the same context that I do. Then I will decide which one fit me best and keep it permanently in my life. Let me explain…

Since I was a kid I was told that I needed to do my homework as soon as I get home from school. When I was in high school well guess what? it didn’t really work well for me because I was the first one to get on the school bus (around 6 am) and the last on to get off (around 7 pm). I had to wake up early, I had long and heavy days and when I was on my way home, the three things I could only think about were: shower, dinner, bed.

And usually, since I was sleeping early, I would wake up in the middle of the night and do my homework. Within weeks I started to realize that I was more efficient when I was working by night than during the day. I was getting my work done faster because I wasn’t distracted as a result I was getting ahead in whatever other things I had to do. I liked it, it was a good, not conventional change but it improved my grades and I was happy with it. I was unusual for my parents but eventually they  got used to it when they saw the results on my grade (I mean which parents wouldn’t be happy to see their kids come back home with the almost perfect report card?)  

It is a small change that I still have as an habit until today although it is not working as well as it was years ago because we are getting older, and we have more stuff to do and so on… So by bringing small, positive changes like this one and turning them into habits around, I didn’t have a clear idea of who I wanted to become yet, but I knew who I didn’t want to become.  It helped me in the process of shaping and defining my very own personality.

Are you happy with your life? Are you who you want to be or what people want you to be? Who do you think you are? It all start by knowing who you are not and who you don’t want to be,  by simply bringing small, positive changes that will make you feel happier, more confident in standing for who you are with fierceness and boldness.

Before going back to my pile of paperwork (wishing to eventually be done by my deadline… yeah I know I didn’t seem to care that much yesterday), I want you to try this: pick a small, positive change you want to see in your life and try it. You go to a restaurant people are taking the “usual” but you like something else TRY IT! Even though someone says “I already tried, it it’s not good”, do it! just for yourself to be able to make your own opinion about that food.
Like bright colors but people say you look better in darker shades? Pick a day and put on those pair of cute, hot pink flats you have been scared to try on because of people’s apprehension about your choices.
Anything that means something to you in your process of figuring out who you are, try it and see how it works for you.

So go out, dare to be different, to be unique, to have your own personality, dare to be you and not what people expect you to be.

Why making time for yourself matters

Tonight was one of the rare weekend nights the way I like them. I actually didn't see where I was going when I started my little revolution but after few minutes I got the point of me doing what I was doing... let me explain.
Usually on Sunday night you are somewhere between frustration (because you are not done with whatever you had to do), anger (because the weekend went so fast and you did not even have time to enjoy it or some kind of crazy thing -in the conventional way- happened and made you snap) and  anxiety (because you try to enjoy some quality time with your family or friends or whatever but the only thing you keep thinking about is :" oh man... tomorrow is Monday... snaap")

Any other Sunday would have looked a bit like that but not this Sunday. I was home with my sibling and we were talking about how hard it is to keep going with our plans and our lives between work, school and friends, and people expectations and so on... and I realized I had a pile of stuffs to do for the next day (which was Monday). Usually I would have been stressed out, I would have freaked out and had an emotional breakdown before starting to whine and complain about stress, school, life, people's expectations and the fact that you have no excuses to come up with whe you miss a deadline whether it is for school or work.

But this time, I stayed still for a minute and I said: "you know what? I don't care about of much work I have to do. I don't care about late submission. tonight is about me being stress free and I am going to enjoy it"

I wasn't really believing it myself but the more I said and repeat it to myself I actually got into that stress-free state of mind. I was smiling and I was feeling good at the idea of having not to deal with a pile of paperwork or the idea that I didn't have to stay up all night to finish any kind of stuff because at this very moment I had the choice and yes I decided NOT TO DO IT!!!

we talked about random things, laughing out loud, remembering awkward, stupid and totally innocent things we used to do when we were kids.

just having that time talking, laughing and remembering how simple life was made me realize how simple life is. we just need to find the time to stop for a minute and enjoy simple pleasures such as eating a tiramisu (which I did) , or playing I don't know... cards? or gardening? or just sit doing nothing just for the sake of you taking a break from all your life dramas.

Most of the time we think that this time not doing anything is a wasted time but you are in fact doing something : you are recreating yourself so that you can be more efficient and productive at whatever you are doing.

 I had a good time, I relaxed myself, I laughed in a way I hadn't for at least weeks and I loved every minute of it. It was just AWESOME!!!!!

 When was the last time you had a time just for you to enjoy yourself? when was the last time you smiled? laughed? not because you didn't get the joke but because you felt that you wanted to laugh and you felt good about it?

I am going to leave you with a little exercise I do every morning before leaving my house: stand in front of a mirror, try remembering something really funny that will make you laugh and you know what? just laugh about it in front of the mirror. Seeing yourself laughing in the mirror will make you laugh even more because it is contagious to see someone laughing. It will make your brain release endorphin which is a natural sedative that makes you feel good and plus laughing out loud makes us use 80 muscles which is more than a regular workout (http://forquestions.com/benefits-from-laughing-out-loud/141). You will start the day less stressed, on a healthy and brighter note , feeling good and more motivated.

So what are you waiting for to be the next Loudest Laugh winner ?